I ain’t looking for pity, I fucking know I don’t deserve it. Life is fucking good for me right now. I got a roof over my head, I got food to eat, I got friends and family, I’m doing well in classes, and I just got a great fucking job at one of my favorite places in the area, so why the fuck do I feel like this……
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
Here’s a summery of my current life with an example of what might be wrong.
Husband. Working towards my dream job. 2 cats I call my babies lol. A home. Working towards getting land. Anything I could ever dream of is mine (but I don’t have very expensive needs. I want a mixing bowl for baking and paints for my canvas. The most expensive thing I want is probably a camera). Sounds like the perfect life right? But for me it’s not. I’m only 20 and I basically lost my life when I was 10-13 my depression started. My mother started abusing me. I had to raise my brother because she was too busy with drugs. Basically I went from a child to my life being on fast forward with no pause button. And I’m not liking it. I highly doubt that’s your problem although it might be but what I am saying is….maybe the problem is something you’re over looking.
What happened to you, or what is happening in you, is what you are feeling. And the happening feels very bad.
I am often miserable inside like yourself. Externally, I live in a fine home, drive a fine car, and have a wonderful marriage despite my frequent misery. That last one could seem impossible but I and she maintain it is true.
But depression has been a way of life since 14, thanks in large part to a narcissistic mother. The agony is real and were it not for intervention I would not be typing this. I am not grateful to the rescuers either. Life is a duty to be endured, with a few bright spots thrown in, in my way of thinking.
So yes, every thing is fine around me and I should be happy all the time but I am not. My therapist is doing all she can to lighten my load from the past. I think she is winning.
Maybe it’s karma, man. Have you ever wronged someone? You could being feeling the effects of that..
I like this post because you sound like me: an as*hole. To f*ck with pity. To f*ck with commiseration. To f*ck with support, happiness, recovery, strength and all those other bs terms people throw at you because they’re clueless. Sometimes you just want to end yourself. Everyone get out of the way.