I’m currently feeling lower than I have in a long time. I’m on the brink of quitting my job that has abruptly gone downhill, I’ve lost the few “friends” I had over the past year, I’ve given up hope on ever attracting a woman and starting a family, I’m constantly reminded of how unattractive I am whenever I go out in public, and even my own family despises me. I have absolutely nobody in this world and the resulting depression is tempting me to run away from everything for good. All it will take is one more bad event and I’ll be taking the next bus or train to a desolate area of Alaska or Nevada where I will disappear until I die of starvation, thirst, hypothermia, hyperthermia, wild animal attack, or something else. The way I see it, aloneness beats the hell out of this loneliness I feel every goddamn day of my intolerable mistake of a life. Everything is crumbling around me and I am left scrambling for the exits. The only reason I’m still alive after three decades of abject misery is because I’m too cowardly to end it. I have no reason to live whatsoever. I have never fit into this despicable society and everyone starting with my own mother would be happier without me in it.