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So tired

by bruiseviolet

I kept waiting and waiting to see if things would get better. They didn’t. Now I have MS and am dependant on my selfish, nasty husband. I had prayed for death but instead I got a chronic, disabling illness. Today I get an invalidity scooter delivered. I’m grateful for the freedom it will offer but then again…I just want to die. Why is life suffering? I try to hold onto faith, suffering is mercy. Suffering purifies the spirit. When everything is taken away that’s God’s ultimate mercy. I feel abandoned and hated. Nobody cares that I’m sick and all I do is irritate my husband and make him angry. Everything I do or say makes him angry. I’m just so tired. Please God, have mercy upon me.

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5 comments

blackturd 9/13/2019 - 8:15 am

I feel for you.

Cause of Death: Suicide 9/13/2019 - 9:56 am

You can try death with dignity if you have a terminal illness, it is ‘legal’ in OR or some parts of Europe. I would do it if I had a terminal illness, but I’m only 25 although I’ve been completely alone and trying to kill myself for the last 15 years, so I don’t know why but I can’t be approved for death with dignity. I don’t think they will help you die just because you are miserable and don’t have a life worth living and are being sexually abused

bruiseviolet 9/13/2019 - 10:37 am

Thanks @Black.

Sorry to see that you’re suffering so much misery @Cause. Where I live they do euthanize very occasionally for mental health problems such as depression. MS isn’t a terminal illness but they will euthanize if one’s quality of life become too poor. I don’t qualify for euthanasia as I’m not a national of this country but I can apply for nationality in one year’s time so I could potentially qualify for euthanasia in the future. I’m still hoping for a more dramatic, life threatening illness to come my way soon though. Some forms of MS can take a life in 5-7 years but I don’t have that one and it involves a lot of suffering and vulnerability/dependance on others.

Teresa's Child 9/13/2019 - 12:06 pm

MS is tough, and nasty relationships are tough. I’m sorry you’re going through all that, and I hope you find a light somewhere in this darkness. Sending good wishes.

bruiseviolet 9/13/2019 - 12:13 pm

Thanks, @Child, you are kind.

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