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these are my cousin’s guns, i could kill myself right now; what the hell is stopping me?

by arisa hatori

its tasteless just to upload a photo without any context, so maybe these stories will suffice.

the year is 1960. my great grandfather forest is a young man who is going about his day unaware of the misfortune that is soon to surround his family. his two bothers are driving in the their car to a destination i cannot say, but they would never be to arrive. the eldest one who is twentyone is driving, his younger seventeen year old brother in the passenger seat. a car collision ensues, the one in the passenger’s seat is killed instantly. the elder brother dies a short time later from injuries, living long enough to hear about his brother’s death and converse with his family before he passes away.

someone within my family tree, of whom i don’t remember how i’m related to him. he had received the diagnoses of alzhemier’s just months ago. the horrible brain degenerating disease runs in his family and wreaks havoc every generation. his wife is fed up with his behavior and understandingly does not want to take responsibility of his pathetic helplessness. she proceeds to drive him to a mental institution and drops him off in front of the building. after she leaves he takes out his gun which he had brought with him, and shoots himself in the temple.

my great great great grandfather was a downtrodden alcoholic. he died in a backstreet alley in his own vomit. it’s worth noting he was half cherokee.


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Itscolourlife 9/22/2019 - 12:19 am


Once 9/22/2019 - 12:42 am

Your story is certainly tragic and a fairly accurate reflection of the human condition. Misfortune and tragedy will visit us all, as will happiness and blessing. As for the unknown relative who shot himself, I can only say that I would hope to be able to do the same were I in a similar situation. I am not making fun of the story or teasing you. I watched my father die of alzheimers, and it is horrible.

You could use the weapons, but you havent. Why?

It is not so much the fact that you haven’t used them that is the question – none of us wants to die, we simply want to stop suffering. So why don’t we “do it?”

Because with each breath there is the hope of something better.

Oh, I’m not blowing smoke up your butt, I’m not saying anything better is coming. It’s a fifty fifty proposition – there might be, there might not be. But it’s the hope we all cling to.

The hope.

When you’re ready to use them, there will no longer be hope. There will no longer be that special something that is stopping you. You’re not quite there yet.

So for now, live for whatever your hope is. For whoever it is. Life turns on a dime, in the blink of an eye, in less than a second.
Enjoy your hope and let the weapons sit for the time being.

If this was the day to use them, you’d have already done so.

Sorry for the losses you have experienced.

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