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Why go on?

by Soda

I was raised with the evil lie that I was special and that there was a God who had a plan for me. As a kid I didn’t know any better so I foolishly bought into this dumb story and endured my suffering thinking that one day I’ll do something great and maybe get rewarded for it.

Of course once you are old enough to reason, the fog lifts away and you’re faced with the ugly truth that there was no plan. It was a fairytale they tell gullible people to feel better about themselves. I realized then that I was an imperfect being who was a product of two people who themselves were flawed and there was nothing more to it.

There was no magic paradise waiting for me after I’ve suffered on this planet. This is the only life I ever get and I could keep going or just check out whenever I’d like-it won’t be easy but it can be ended.

I tallied up all the pros and cons about living and decided it’s a mixed bag, there are some good things and some bad. If my life was much worse then I might’ve ended it sooner and believe me I came pretty close a few times.

I kept going because I had hope in time I’ll be like most other ordinary people. I’d get a house, a wife, maybe a family, work and enjoy some good things about life. Things didn’t quite go as I hoped and I’m still struggling to get established.

So I ask myself why the F do I keep going on when my life has been largely a failure with little hope of improvement? I think it’s like that carrot on the stick, I continue to think that things will improve, maybe not this year but couple more years from now.

I also don’t want to let a couple of my family members down, well one really-the rest are fine. It’s a strange thing to keep living even though you know you should be dead.

I feel I’ve had a “good run” in the sense that I gave it this life a shot, I experienced many things and unless I get rich, there’s a limit to how much more enjoyment I can get out of life because that takes money and time, the freedom to pursue your passions/interests.

I really don’t want to be a wage slave the rest of my life, helping someone else get rich while I just barely meet my needs and all my life gets wasted working my best years away.

Hard to believe there are mobs of idiots out there who are trying to stop people from ending their own life (those anti-Euthanasia groups). They have nothing better to do than to make other people’s lives even more difficult than it already is.


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Teresa's Child 9/8/2019 - 9:53 am

I really felt your post, especially “I really don’t want to be a wage slave the rest of my life, helping someone else get rich while I just barely meet my needs and all my life gets wasted working my best years away.”

I know how capitalism works, and I get the reasoning behind a wage hierarchy, but what you’re saying is true. Just looking empirically, it’s obvious from how many people suffer the wage slave life that the system is messed up, regardless of the reasoning that goes into building the system.

Been sucked into the God delusion as well. Feels bad to have gone through that.

I don’t really know what we can hope for, or live for. I spend most of my life as a wage slave, barely making ends meet. People around me seem happy. Reason doesn’t dictate what goes on in the human brain — it’s mostly all emotions and the subconscious monkey mind jumping around trying to kick up that survival instinct. That seems to be the main “reason to live”, or rather the main “blocker from death”.

Soda 9/8/2019 - 12:52 pm

Thanks and well said, you’re so right it’s our primate brain that keeps us surviving even when we know the suffering is completely pointless and doesn’t get us anywhere and that there’s little hope of escaping it.

I could be wrong but I think intelligent people are the ones who tend to get depressed about Capitalism because they figured out how the game works and realized they’re slaves to the system and of course reject it. While average people think wage slavery is normal and accept it without question.

Unfortunately there’s little that can be done to change the system. It is also beneficial in that it provides jobs and goods/services for consumers. So one either buys into wage slavery or finds a way to get out of the rat race. Of course it isn’t all just about capitalism but additional issues that come up in life that leads one to consider leaving this world.

I’m glad to hear that you’ve managed to escape the mental trap of religion as well, I feel sorry for those that continue to cling to these myths, they’re suffering even more than others (because of the stricters of religion) and they don’t know why.

I guess it just boils down to how much BS we’re willing to take until we reach our own breaking point. I figure if my needs are met and I’m not suffering too much, I’ll probably keep going. But if I find little to no happiness then it just makes life pretty pointless. Hopefully my life doesn’t get really bad and be pushed into a situation where I do have to end my life, it’s that survival instinct kicking in.

imserious 9/8/2019 - 11:41 am

I can’t believe there are anti euthanasia groups. It angers me so much.

Soda 9/8/2019 - 1:03 pm

Likewise my friend, you should read the idiotic articles they publish on why they oppose Euthanasia. They’re pretty much all Christian/religious organizations behind it and they’re shaping policies to all of our detriment.

Religion should have no place in politics or secular institutions, but Christians aren’t happy until they’re forcing their Bronze Age beliefs on all of us non-believers/atheists/secularists.

Fortunately after decades of fighting these lunatics, here in Canada they’ve legalized Euthanasia for the elderly and terminally ill. But some people are trying to broaden it so that it is available to anyone for the asking, hopefully they succeed. The same is needed in all countries.

It’s bad enough that one has a terrible life and finally gets the courage to end it, but then you have to deal with religious freaks and govt regulation that is preventing you from ending your suffering.

born.sinner 9/8/2019 - 6:53 pm

you pretty much took the words out of my mouth with your whole post. especially the god and wage slave parts. I can relate with u on those issues. for the longest time I thought I had something special with god. now I know that’s a lie.

I live in Canada as well

Soda 9/9/2019 - 7:51 pm

Thanks, glad to know that you concur and that you’ve also found your way out of religion like many of us have.

I should clarify something I’ve stated above. I don’t hate Christians or any religious people so long as they keep their beliefs to themselves.

It’s when they start putting obstacles in my path from exercising my rights/freedoms because of their beliefs, like when they try to stop abortions and euthanasia, that I take issue with them and their religion.

Those Theists who do make an effort to curtail the rights of non-believers do become a problem for the rest of us.

Fortunately thanks to the internet, religion is largely dying off, while secularism/atheism is growing by leaps and bounds, eventually they’ll be a minority and will no longer hold any influence in our society.

Cause of Death: Suicide 9/11/2019 - 9:41 pm

yes, the anti-euthanasians…. well, I have been trying to end my life for 15 years. I have no reason to stay alive frankly and I never have other than …idk I guess the fear of ending my life completely… but that fear is just something that I can get past easily, but when going to commit suicide I was stopped by complete stranger….. and put in a lion’s cage for the fat government. I am personally never involved in politics .. i am not moved by crowd control .. it seems my rights are being stolen. I do understand that I do not want to be murdered by officials or unofficials, but I’d still make my choice and choose suicide if they didn’t stand in my way.

Soda 9/12/2019 - 3:00 am

I understand the fear, it’s the worry that you’ll mess up the attempt and end up worse off than before, that’s certainly a worry I have.

However I’ve put my faith in science and also in the research I’ve done. For example I’m most likely going to go with the bag and inert gas option. I’ve read a lot on the subject and it seems to be very successful, reliable and painless.

The only challenge is getting the items together and a time to pull it off. Right now my life isn’t too bad, I’m coasting along but I’ll only take this way out if things get really bad for me. But I am making an effort to improve things-since I want to experience at least a few good years before I ‘kick the bucket.’

I’m just glad we live in the age of the internet. When I was younger we had absolutely no resources like this such as this forum or websites about methods and so on. So it’s much easier to get well informed before making any decisions that you can’t undo.

If you’re in an institution I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully you’ll have your freedom someday and be able to live your life the way you want or not at all if that’s what you decided.

Cause of Death: Suicide 9/12/2019 - 6:34 pm

I’ve also done scientific research and honestly inert gas sounds relatively easy to acquire and smart, but gun for me has always been the easiest because I know I could pull the trigger and die so quick. I’ve never had anything but terrible years… so I have honestly no reason to still be alive today. It’s just I can’t get the materials to kill myself…… if it was up to me, I would have been dead and gone 15 years ago. I guess I’m just freaked out because I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to kill myself, when I should have done it already. How do I leave these filthy people to kill myself in private?

Soda 9/13/2019 - 11:19 am

@Cause, Guns are usually but not always successful and those who fail end up suffering terribly after. I personally would never go near a gun (except for self-defense). I’d only choose a metho.d that I have some control over so if I feel I’m doing it wrong, I can restart till I get it right or stop if I change my mind.

That’s what inert gas allows and it’s very simple based on science. We need oxygn to survive, remove that from the equation and we pass away. It’s also been used very successfully by hundreds of people and some deaths were indirect.

The only challenge now is to get the gas. Some people have used it without any gas (just an empty bag) but it’s more difficult cause of the buildup of co2 but it still works too like being in a confined air-tight space.

Sorry to hear about what you’ve gone through, I’ve read some of your posts. No child/person should have to suffer the way you did. But we live in a very cruel world. I’ve seen other people suffer, like attractive girls who end up homeless either because they made poor decisions or perhaps were kicked out of their homes.

There’s very little anyone can do for others-unless they’re wealthy. The rest of us have to fend for ourselves. But honestly I’m glad we’re not immortal and there are ways to end a horrible existence.

I’m neutral on this topic and I wouldn’t advise others what to do with their own lives since that’s ultimately up to them to decide. As for myself, I’ve hated my life for a long time and there were many times I wish I could’ve ended it. For now I’m doing ok and there are goals I’d like to achieve before I go so that’s why I’ve stuck around. But if my life does get a lot worse with no hope of improvement then I’m going to end it.

I think all of us have that same hurdle to cross-it’s easy to talk about ‘doing it’ but hard to actually follow through with our plans. In your case clearly since you’re around people they will prevent you from achieving your goals so you’d need to get away from them first. I’m assuming you’re in an institution or perhaps live with family? If it’s the latter you’d have an easier time to get away from them.

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