I can’t do this shit for much longer. There’s not much point in having a boyfriend who lives so far away. Now I’m back to my boring, crap, miserable existence. I really want to help him out but what’s the point… I don’t know how I’m meant to wait to see him in person again. Fuck there really is a reason why women go after rich guys or guys with money at least… well I wanted to not be such a shallow ***** but I can’t pretend I don’t ponder this, or at least that I don’t ponder getting a local boyfriend instead. Because, I do. I really do.
I hate that he’s the only thing that made me happy, he made me smile, he made me feel alive… He’s the only thing I can really bother living for. But I’m ok with dying if we don’t meet again in a few months. I’ve had enough of this existence. Really tired of it and I want out.