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i said i was getting better

by evianwatre

i don’t understand what is real anymore. i don’t know if i’m overly sensitive and overthinking or if i’m just feeling everything. i understand what’s going on in their mind about me, yet i don’t.

last night, i was so happy, i woke up this morning and my head was clear, i don’t understand why i am feeling this way right now.

i can feel it, i’m sure of it, they find me annoying in one way or another. i don’t understand why they feel superior to me, i actually do understand, it’s just me. they cant love me for who i am if i can’t love myself, in fact, just the thought of existing disgusts me. i don’t understand why it’s so painful talking to people yet i kept doing it again and again, testing my luck, waiting for the one time i say something correct, something they want to hear, something they agree with. i don’t understand anything anymore.

i can’t share everything, i don’t want to share anything, i kept sharing, i kept annoying them, until it fucks this up again and again, until i finally say something that’ll make them hate me. i can’t do it. people around me are my whole world, i can’t afford to be hated, i can’t feel this way. if i’m upset all the time, if i rant to them all the time, they would be annoyed. i don’t know how to live correctly anymore. i can’t type anymore, i can’t do this, i can’t do this, i’m faking this depression, let me wake up, i thought it was getting better

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