Everything is going downhill for me, once again. I’m losing friends, and they are losing my trust. Including my school counselor and one of my teachers, for study hall. I talk to them, but they are making me feel like i can’t open up to them because of their responses, but i don’t tell them in the moment. I don’t want them feeling bad for saying the wrong thing.
I just feel so alone. I felt alone before, and it is a feeling no one wants to feel. I even hoped to never feel, that feeling ever again. Yet, here i am. Feeling so alone to the point i want to cry.
Last night my parents and i got into a fight, not just a little argument. A big argument. It honestly started out so stupid, like every argument my parents and j have.
I was doing the dishes minding my own business. I kept feeling my phone vibrate. I had my phone on me because when i do the dishes i always listen to my music. Otherwise i would be annoyed with my family because who isn’t? I just thought i was getting a ton of snapchats, so i look and it was my sister sending me emojis, constantly. I text her knock it off, and keep in mind, i was already annoyed because i told my mom that i wanted to see a therapist individually and she yelled at me. Then my dad was chomping on his food at dinner. I texted my sister saying “knock it off.” She kept going. i said “seriously stop.” She still didn’t stop, so i go downstairs and yell “knock it the f*ck off.” My parents heard me say the F bomb, and my dad said don’t use that kind of language in my house. Basically from there i tried to ignore it, but they wouldn’t let me because they would get even more mad. They started talking about me and how i am always the problem and i bring the whole house down. And that i should move out, that my mom doesn’t care anymore. My mom also said i wasnt going to see a therapist which sucks because at times like these i need someone to talk too.
Last night was a hard night. I thought about taking my own life, as you can tell i’m still here and didn’t. So i’m okay for now. At least suicide wise.
Also last night i ruined my 3 week from cutting myself.