Tonight, it hits me different. I’m so sad. I don’t know the exact trigger, but as i was leaving school today my eyes started to tear up. I wanted to cry so bad, but then my Mom texted me and she told me she was picking me up, glad she did because i got distracted and would have started crying.
But right now i’m mentally not in the best state. I’m trying to stay positive. Trying to stay happy, but i’m always sad. I don’t really know how to cheer myself up anymore.
I want to give up. I want to die. But will i kill myself? Probably not, i don’t have to guts. You may say thats good, but that just means i have to wake up every morning and say “Really? Again? I have to live another day.” I didn’t ask to be put on the Earth. My Mom may have wanted me, God may have put me on this Earth for a reason, but I never ask to be put onto this Earth. If i knew life was going to be like this, i would have said “ohh no, i’m not doing it.”