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Imaginary

by thehusk

Imagine not being alone. Imagine there was someone you could be around without crippling fear. Imagine being able to let someone, anyone in. Imagine experiencing a sense of peace and contentment. Imagine not having to hide yourself from the world. Imagine not being a twisted evil narcissistic failure of a person. Imagine someone actually knowing you. Imagine emotional intimacy. Imagine a partner, someone truly on your side. Imagine the background hum of dread subsiding. Imagine feeling glad you were alive. Imagine having a future. Imagine not being consumed with shame, guilt and self-hatred. Imagine experiencing real hope again. Imagine not seeing this world as a terrifying ball of threat, loss and misery. Imagine being able to acknowledge the hardships of life without desperately wanting a way out. Imagine feeling gratitude for existence. Imagine going back in time, and doing it all differently. Imagine becoming someone capable of love, contentment and living a full life. Imagine real human connection. Imagine being able to appreciate the moment. Imagine feeling purpose. Imagine warmth. Imagine being ok with reality.

Imagine no longer being what you are. Imagine peace.

9 comments
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9 comments

SleeplessMind 10/8/2019 - 10:20 am

If I imagined all that could happen, my existence would have a purpose. If I believed any of what you wrote wasn’t wishful thinking, I’d be motivated to ²w3continue.
I’m only here as long as absolutely necessary.

thehusk 10/8/2019 - 11:44 am

And yet I feel like most of it is taken for granted, at least by some people. Kind of like the default setting for a decent life. It’s not like it includes being fabulously wealthy, or a successful career, or even avoidance of all loss or pain. It basically just boils down to a feeling of peace and connection with those around you. That’s what I seem to have made impossible for myself.

I’m not sure why I’m still here. Maybe fear, or lingering attachment to wishful thinking, or pure survival instinct.

Once 10/8/2019 - 11:16 am

It would be . . . different, to say the least. Along with these things would come a need set of challenges, there’s no perfection in difference, but it would be nice. Life is a puzzle we have to muddle through, be it in solitude or the company of others.

thehusk 10/8/2019 - 11:51 am

No perfection, but perhaps the hope to face challenges without the crushing weight of despair. I think puzzles can be enjoyable and engrossing if engaged with it from a position of emotional security, but frustrating, tedious and anxiety provoking if not.

Once 10/8/2019 - 11:16 am

*new set of challenges

rivets 10/8/2019 - 2:08 pm

Imagine being able to live how you want without having to put up with all the stupid social pressure to adhere to a set of rules that you neither wrote, agreed to, or had any say in forming.

God, it’s like an Isekai fantasy.

Teresa's Child 10/8/2019 - 3:04 pm

The new star wars plot looks good.

SleeplessMind 10/10/2019 - 1:04 am

Perhaps I’m the odd one out when I say having connection with others is not something I need.
I could spend the rest of my days reading having never spoken another word and be content.
Social pressure causes me grief. knowing what other folks are thinking is interesting, but, I have no understanding of others, and I’ve grown accustomed to it.

Maybe I’m not really human?? Some days I wonder.

thehusk 10/10/2019 - 10:42 am

That doesn’t make you any less human. I would say it’s better not to feel the need than to feel it and be unable to satisfy it. Contentedness is what we should aspire to. I just can’t seem to let go enough to be content with my isolation. I also hate social pressure, and find it hard to understand others. But for some reason I just have this deep longing to transcend that in some way. Unfortunately I seem to have made that impossible for myself.

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