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Martian

by Teresa's Child

I had a dream last night. I dreamed that I was on Mars, surrounded by red sand dunes. There was nothing else around me, except a shadow beside me, and a large oval mirror, my size, in front of me. The shadow wanted me to determine whether or not I would be a friend or foe to humankind. The dream was about the mirror. It showed me many things from my life. Real things, fake things. Memories of love, mixed with memories of pain. It showed me the pains of others that had described those pains to me previously. It showed me illusions of war, of death. It showed me a birds eye view of myself as an 8 year old, when It first got in me. It also showed me the happiness of others. Well adjusted people laughing together. Understanding one another. Trying in small ways to make a difference. All the people it showed me were people I know in real life (or knew).

I never made a decision in the dream. Am I a friend to humans? Or do I wish them nothing but the worst? I guess my whole life will be spent answering this question. I’m an outsider. I was an outsider ever since that night when I changed, so many years ago. But still I pretended. I don’t pretend anymore. I live as an outsider. I don’t look for friends anymore. I don’t date anymore. I have cut off my ties with humanity, so I can observe impartially and decide for myself, with eyes unclouded by emotion.

I don’t know. Is there any hope for humankind? Is there anything in our brains that is worth keeping?

What do you think?

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Cause of Death: Suicide 10/17/2019 - 6:24 pm

I think once you start getting those dreams it is truly a very bad sign and will start to take away from your true humanity. I’d be worrisome about what type of characters may attach themselves to your persona (for god knows what reason.) although I do think that it is a good thing that you took away some positive emotion and that this dream affected you positively.

I can say that the choice alone is personal., meaning it is yours alone to make. I couldn’t say that any two brains are alike, but there may be (there are many that are wholly superficial) .. there may be something in your brain that is just so splendid and wonderful!!

I’ve never been fascinated by the brain myself, but that may just be because … like I said … many are simply superficial, depending on how you use your brain could make it more or less worthwhile.

I, like you, have also never desired any further relations. They can only bring you down, waste your time, and drag you around. Thank you for noting on that. It is really a trait that underadmired and a trait I am proud of. I couldn’t stand to waste my brain seeking out things such as horrible, meaningless relationships!!

Teresa's Child 10/17/2019 - 7:09 pm

100% on the relations thing.

Humanity is just so confusing to me right now. Everyone does exactly what I expect them to do, but I keep hoping it will be different. I don’t know.

Fundamentally, I don’t care about anyone but myself. But sometimes I try to be empathetic and kind…people just don’t know how to respond to that. They take it as weakness and try to manipulate me, not realizing that I’m just being nice.

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