I don’t really wish to die anymore, although I used to do that a lot before bed when I was a very small child. Yet, now, I am much more proactive that when I have finally decided I am ready to commit, I will not waste time on flimsy things like wishes or promises, I will simply go and commit. I’ve been desiring to commit suicide for soooooooo long that I no longer feel any reason to draw it out by group therapy (waste of time), wishes (waste of energy) and generally, my whole life I have not wanted to be alive throughout it and I can say honestly I have not enjoyed a single moment… there is nothing holding me back from committing suicide, except I very much fear getting followed and reported to the police. I do not like them, I feel and am saddened by the fact that they waste your life by following you around if you are completely ready to die. I’ve been hoping to commit suicide since 2006, and I would never have any regrets, I have zero second thoughts. I have no idea why I am still alive today actually. I finally got around to buying a shotgun in 2016.. my plan since 2006 was to hopefully die before graduation, but if I didn’t miraculously die because my prayers were answered by god or allah or whomever, then I would buy a gun the very week I turned 18 and end my life. Instead I was followed and taken into the mental hospital where I was raped and trapped for 28 days. I’ve been raped, sexually assaulted 180 times since that day. I have no idea why or who.
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Me too. It’s in the back of my mind all the time, a constant refrain of my real, true desires.
I don’t really wish to die anymore, although I used to do that a lot before bed when I was a very small child. Yet, now, I am much more proactive that when I have finally decided I am ready to commit, I will not waste time on flimsy things like wishes or promises, I will simply go and commit. I’ve been desiring to commit suicide for soooooooo long that I no longer feel any reason to draw it out by group therapy (waste of time), wishes (waste of energy) and generally, my whole life I have not wanted to be alive throughout it and I can say honestly I have not enjoyed a single moment… there is nothing holding me back from committing suicide, except I very much fear getting followed and reported to the police. I do not like them, I feel and am saddened by the fact that they waste your life by following you around if you are completely ready to die. I’ve been hoping to commit suicide since 2006, and I would never have any regrets, I have zero second thoughts. I have no idea why I am still alive today actually. I finally got around to buying a shotgun in 2016.. my plan since 2006 was to hopefully die before graduation, but if I didn’t miraculously die because my prayers were answered by god or allah or whomever, then I would buy a gun the very week I turned 18 and end my life. Instead I was followed and taken into the mental hospital where I was raped and trapped for 28 days. I’ve been raped, sexually assaulted 180 times since that day. I have no idea why or who.