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so close

by DOA

i almost lost a friend to suicide. it has changed my view now knowing how much fear and pain runs through you in the situation i was going to put my loved ones through.

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a1957 10/19/2019 - 1:39 pm

Same here. I wished my passing would hurt no one . At one time I was convinced it could not possibly affect anyone adversely. I was close to departure when several family members and law enforcement intervened. I then found out I was considered important to some people. I thought they were selfish but selfish or not they were utterly insistent I find I way forward and became as supportive as they could be. There was something genuine about their insistence. In my pain I just wanted to go. In their pain they just wanted me to stay.
I hate to admit it but I like the challenge going forward represents. I do like more about my life now than I ever did before. Sometimes I still wish I could go without impacting anyone but that would only be wishful thinking.
Yes, the pain they felt and the fear they felt was profound and still they feel it and still they fear it. I guess just for that reason alone I need to keep healing. I built relationships with them prior to the planned departure time so I guess I owe it to them to keep healing but ironically only to die at some later time from some respectable reason. Not easy, but all bad either.

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