So today I stumbled upon a post on redit frontpage on r/askwomen which made me feel just so sad. It was some girl/woman asking what to do with depressed guys that vent to her in a relationship. The whole post just made me feel sad and kinda disgusted but the comments were even worse. It was basically just like: tell him to go see a therapist and if he wont stop just break up. That just seems so fking cold to me.
I mean I get it. Noone wants to date a crybaby. And in some cases therapy with a professional is for sure very helpful and even necessarry but I just feel like for most people just talking honestly about their problems with someone who is close to them without fear of being judged (or worse the other person straight up leaving) could be just enough or even better solution.
We live in such a fking alienating culture. People just dont want anyone to get emotionally close to them, not even their romantic partner. They just want to mutually jerk off with someone I guess.
So the norm is that instead of looking for emotional support from your partner/friend/family you should just pay some random person to offer the emotional support to you in exchange for your money. Sounds just so fking Orwellian to me.
6 comments
Know plenty of decent, kind, harmless men who get pretty much ignored by women.
Meanwhile, if you do a bit of research online, you will discover recurring stories of mass murderers who receive piles of steamy fan mail from female admirers.
Can anything redpill you harder than that? The fact that women throw themselves at murderers while ignoring little old you?
Women don’t want weakness. They don’t even want kindness. They just want strength and power.
Of course, they’re never, ever going to admit to this, so society just pretends it isn’t true.
I want my wife to be with somebody who makes her happy… but you know. I’m on here… yeah it’s hard to process dude. She still is for now. I’m gonna keep trying to keep myself under control for her and if she leaves than I will appreciate her doing what makes her happy. I’m definitely not it. Yeah I’m jealous everyone is. Even the greats are putting on an act. Keep it year duude.
San Diego, Ca
Yeah we know
You know honestly if you think that no one should want to be with someone who is depressed, I think you are right. I believe self sufficiency is way more valuable than couples… because you are also right, people are in couples for no reason other than to mutually jerk off (and unless you’re a f*cking pervert that will not cut it)
I would say, if they are already judging them in this way – saying things like I don’t wan a crybaby – then I would suggest the depressive being much better off without them – the unsupportive and deadweight partner whom is JUST ADDING MORE NEGATIVITY to their situation and problem and reeeaaalllyyy not even truly knowing or understanding said depressive person.
I would recommend the unsupporting deadweight partner would just abandon depressive partner and never bother them again. Lol. Then depressive partner will come to a self-sufficient peace that isn’t all just phony couple jerk session bullsh*t. Unless depressive partner is also an insane pervert .. which actually a lot of depressed (guys) are .. so then he’d only need her for a jerk anyhow.
I was curious and went searching for this post. Seemed more a question of how to set limits to maintain self care while also being supportive, not being the only helping hand/ listening ear. One of the comments caught my eye that fit her point.
“I’ve done very good over the past (very difficult) year not to confuse my girlfriend with my therapist. I share things with her and I communicate when I’m hurting,
— but I don’t run to her with every emotional issue I have. –Some things I just reserve to discuss with my therapist at our weekly appointments.
The only hang-up I’ve experienced with this is that sometimes I feel as though I’m “keeping” things from my p^rtner. That’s just a mental hurdle though, the bottom line is that I love my girlfriend and she listens to me and hears me when I’m struggling, but –I’ve set limits and I respect her mental health just as much as I hope to regain my own.–
Just one person’s experience from another perspective.”
Setting boundaries is important, as well as not treating someone as a dumping ground (even if unintentionally or unknowingly) for all of ones problems because honestly, not everyone is equipped to handle that or even certain kinds of heavy discussion (like befriending/dating/helping someone with unresolved trauma, or something like depression or anxiety attacks etc.) everyone has different limits in what they can help with based on their own experience, and therapists are ideally trained to help someone more effectively navigate mindfields.
And let’s be honest, therapy is the go to suggestion when someone has a problem the inexperienced encounters. Or to drop us in any capacity because it is heavy and hard to deal with and understand, and balance can be difficult to find, especially as we don’t always have more than one person to go to for help, if that.
Relationships are definitely about supporting one another, but also about enjoying anothers company. I can see how it can be draining if most of the conversations revolve around issues and not other things connections are formed on. I think it’s’s fair the author is trying to maintain her own mental health in a relationship.
It goes for both sexes to counter a comment someone else made, this isn’t just a feminine reaction.
In most cases your partner will help you until they feel it’s hopeless, they to have dreams of being happy and if your issues interfere with that for any period of time they will drop you like a bad habit.
In most cases the person your in a relationship will will help you until they feel it’s hopeless, they to have dreams of being happy too and if your issues interfere with that for any period of time they will drop you like a bad habit.