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Descending into Nothing/No One

by rich51bruhh

For a while, I was becoming something. I was becoming somebody that my Mother could be proud of.

For a while.

Now I am working towards nothing. I have become a fucking loser, a waste of fucking space, a fucking burden. And I have nothing to fucking live for, yet I have convinced myself that I do not want to kill myself. I spend all fucking day at home shooting the shit, pitying myself for what I have fucking become. I have become fucking worthless.

I want to just go. I want to go as far away as possible and keep fucking going until I find the farthest corner away from home to continue rotting.

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Cause of Death: Suicide 11/18/2019 - 2:25 am

I always hoped that I would buy a shotgun and drive away in my mommy’s car into the woods, plug my throat with the gun and spill my brains into the forest. I had planned for at least 7 years to kill myself this way on my 18th birthday. I really planned on this and it was my last hope. Now, I am, 25 and, as you put it simply rotting in my mom’s basement. I never wanted nothing, not a thing more than to kill myself this way at that time. I am very afraid that I am still alive and the longer I am alive the less able I feel I will be to actually ever be able to have the courage to commit, so I will meaninglessly just be suffering bed-ridden and unable to commit. … . . ..

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