There is an inconsistency between what’s in my head and what’s actually there. I believe the root of my sadness comes from the realization that there is this disconnect between the two and that I don’t know how to cope with it. I believe my primary motivation drives me to these nonsense delusions. The fear of not amounting to anything and the fear of being alone. I’m so wrapped up in the little idiosyncrasies within my head that I don’t really see what’s there and when it finally becomes apparent to me, I can’t help but feel let down. The thing is, can’t really be anyone’s fault but mine. These little delusions of mine are the only thing that keeps me going. Yet they aren’t real. And when I realize that, it pulls me down. I think that I should just go to sleep and not wake up. At least I think so.