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Do I exist?

by rivets

I’m not so sure. The language makes it seem like I do – we have words for that, you know. I, me, my. Have you ever felt like you’ve melted into the landscape and lost all perspective of the things those words refer to? I miss that feeling. Whenever I have to deal with bills, being presentable, cleaning, fixing something that’s broken, talking to someone to clear up a misunderstanding, it detracts from that sense of flowing with my surroundings. It’s like a skipping CD (for those of us old enough to remember that). Why would anyone want to fill the world with something so discordant?


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visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:11 am

I’ve witnessed a baby/toddler bopping along to music… doing a lil bouncy dance

It’s always there.. it’s just harder to let go as you age

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:15 am

You exist.

Like if or not

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:15 am


rivets 11/24/2019 - 2:23 am

I let it go all the time, until something makes the record skip again. Maybe I took too many psychedelics when I was younger. I dunno. I did take a lot. lol

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:25 am

That’s not a bad thing.

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:27 am

I haven’t taken any psychedelics in a long time

I havent tripped like that in ages… my trips now are sober but still fucking confusing

rivets 11/24/2019 - 2:30 am

I took 8g of mushrooms in a string of abandoned lots once and just walked around for seven or eight hours. It was a life changing experience and I couldn’t even tell you what happened because I don’t remember. That was during a bender – I was growing them, so I had several pounds just sitting in a satchel under my bed. Took at least 6g every day for a month.

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:37 am

Hahah I only ever “micro dosed” with shrooms bc it’s a long trip. Enlighten to see walls breathing and curtains moving, maybe some odd patterns here and there

Don’t was awesome bc it was a quick trip and powerful. Just like you said, I can’t explain my experiences

Now my life is like a crazy trip ha.. sometimes it’s too much and I panic or feel detached

Throw me a pity party

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:38 am


Not don’t

Meh my typing is shit. I should be sleeping

rivets 11/24/2019 - 2:40 am

Hallucinations not induced by psychedelics? Those usually suck. I used to get those, but I haven’t had one in years. It was mostly somatic and affective, not so much visual. I prefer the warm glow from a drug any day. lol

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:27 am

Life is weird.

visual eyes 11/24/2019 - 2:41 am

I just want you to know you exist.


Who am I? Ha

I do hear you though , I relate

Once 11/24/2019 - 2:34 pm

If you don’t exist, then I’m probably not reading this, and I’m certainly not writing this, which makes me wonder just what I’m doing here not doing any of this.

rivets 11/24/2019 - 6:40 pm

You’re not here, and you’re not writing this right now. My fingers moved and this appeared on some pixels in front of me, like magic. It’s like some neurons fired, which made my fingers move across some keys on a plane in front of me, which somehow produced light on a screen several feet away, and now that light has reached my eyes and returned to those same neurons which fired previously. It’s all very strange.

evianwatre 11/25/2019 - 3:25 pm

i feel you in a way, sometimes i feel like i’ve floated outside my body and identity. i would look at my room and everything familiar yet they all feel strange, as if something’s out of place, but the only thing out of place is myself, as if i was looking at everything all at once and my vision had melted into the air.(sounds trippy lol i dont do drugs though)

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