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i should have killed myself the other day like i wanted

by Abandoned

now my diagnosis is right around the corner and im freaking out! they are going to send me to the mental hospital. thats where they put people that jump out of moving cars and bash their head off walls as hard as they can. i…..i just cant. and if they do they wont listen me. no way would they. why would they listen to the insane person. but they have to right? i mean in a case like this….he touched me. you cant…..he tried to kill me…..and he works there…..they cant send me there can they? i dont want to go.

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31 comments

Potato 11/26/2019 - 1:53 am

I’ll be honest, growing up (and really even now) no one in my life ever gave enough of a shit to send me to one, even when I got caught trying to bring a bottle of gasoline and a lighter to school planning to immolate myself, so I’m pretty clueless about how it works, but are there any other alternative mental hospitals you could go to instead where you are, if they do?

Idk, am not sure I believe that if it was such a certainty that you’d be waiting to see if you’re going to a hospital though. Even if some stuff happened in the past that’s not saying you meet the criteria to be involuntarily admitted now, does it? Have seen plenty of times where someone who probably did meet the criteria get out of it too.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 2:08 am

theres the psych ward at the general hospital. and then theres the mental hospital. i can be involuntarily violent towards myself and occasionally others (only when they push my buttons so much they break. sooo they kinda deserve it) violent people go to the mental hospital when HE is. thats all thats here in town. going in general would destroy me. getting sent out of town would absolutely kill me. i coudnt do it. and then they would keep me because i wouldnt have my loved ones around to keep me calm but they wouldnt see it that way. i hate humans. they only see what they want to.

anyway much like you ive also never been and im only judging by stories on here and from people around me that went…..and i never once heard an “im better” story. its always “im worse now” youd think that would be a hint that they are doing something wrong but like i said…humans only see what they please.

Potato 11/26/2019 - 2:20 am

When is the last time you’ve had that happen with someone who pushed your buttons?

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 2:26 am

i point you in the direction of my post “i hit him” to sum it up this idiot at work kept saying sexist things to me “my husband should control me” and he was the one that started it EVERY FUCKING TIME, he also gave me death threats. and work didnt do anything about although they knew. one day he literally was in my face. i couldnt go anywhere because there was something on either side of us and hes like twice my height. ehe said “excuse me” in the rudest fucking tone and he wasnt even suppose to be in there. so i took a step back and blindly hit out of anger. THEN I GOT IN SHIT. and hes still running around like he owns the fucking place and im at home waiting for my husband because i refuse to go down there now. my stress levels were so high i was going to kill him sooner or later.

Potato 11/26/2019 - 2:43 am

He wasn’t supposed to be in there, he had you cornered, you’ve repeatedly reported him for threats and harassment… I mean as long as you are using the I was afraid defense and not you did it out of anger, other than a complete failure of the system which I guess I couldn’t say can’t happen being a pessimist, I feel like you have a pretty solid case and defense there at least.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 2:28 am

like i said…they deserve it it takes a lot to push me that far. i put up with his abuse for months

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 2:46 am

EXACTLY! And yeah it was partially out of fear. My mother abused me for years which is why I reacted the way I did

Potato 11/26/2019 - 2:53 am

Yeah. I can understand that. Hopefully whoever you see will have half a brain, see that you did a hell of a job trying to deal with the issue through the proper channels, etc. I really think assuming the worst may be premature here.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 2:57 am

I’m more concerned about how they’d react to my violence towards myself. I’m typically extremely nice to others anyone that truly knows me knows that. I wouldn’t ever hurt anyone.

Potato 11/26/2019 - 3:00 am

Has it happened recently that anyone knows of?

Potato 11/26/2019 - 3:09 am

From what I’m seeing, doesn’t look like you’ve been letting on? If there is no immediate danger as far as they know then there’s probably less chance of them committing you.

Potato 11/26/2019 - 3:16 am

Sorry for spamming a bit here. Stuff’s I took kicking in and half lights out rn. Good luck though. Hope it works out alright there.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 3:19 am

2 days ago I hit my head off the door and it just got better yesterday and yes. People know. And my husband had to grab me when I attempted to leave the vehicle while it was moving.

Don’t worry about it. I don’t mind. ๐Ÿ™‚

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/26/2019 - 3:23 am

I feel like they are only sending you there because he touched you .. maybe he wants to touch you again?
If he sexually molested you why is he still working there?

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 3:36 am

You completely misread everything and assumed I told authorities. Never assume.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 3:40 am

Also id really rather not unlike you not everyone likes to talk about that stuff.

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/27/2019 - 5:18 pm

Ya of course, nobody suicidal like us reports rape because we are too scared and alone, and like Iโ€™ve been nobody would ever listen to me. My last post just from yesterday was explaining how I have been raped 181 times since February 2016.

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/27/2019 - 5:19 pm

Been told*

It'll Be Ok 11/27/2019 - 5:19 pm

I SAID ID RATHER NOT!!!!!

It'll Be Ok 11/27/2019 - 5:28 pm

also either figure out your story or stop lying because you actually said “Times Iโ€™ve been raped since December 2014: 182” that a completely different date and number. you are 2 years off. if you cant even get the year right how can one trust you can count.

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/29/2019 - 10:54 am

Ok, I was raped once in November 2014. But the majority of the rapes started early 2016. Iโ€™m not just saying I was raped 1 time in 2016. I was raped like 40 times. Then in 2017, I was raped at least 100 times. I donโ€™t know why you are mad at me for.

It'll Be Ok 11/29/2019 - 12:23 pm

Because I’ve told you to knock it off twice now. I really fucking wish you would listen

rivets 11/26/2019 - 7:00 am

#1) You are not insane. Put any random person off the street in a room with a therapist, and I guarantee they will unfailingly tick a box in the DSM. We’re all not sane, which makes us all normal. Sanity is the aberration.

#2) A dx is such a vague thing that any two therapists might come up with different ones for the same set of datapoints. They will not throw you in the hospital for it unless you are a danger to yourself, others, or have extremely disorganized thoughts/speech.

#3*(/v) You are by nature self-conscious. Stop that. You’ll be fine. ๐Ÿ˜›

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 7:45 am

#3 fuck off you already knew this lol

a1957 11/26/2019 - 2:45 pm

It would be great if an attorney (or two) got a call from you and one of them agreed to sue the stupid company that will not protect you. Sounds like that company needs to learn a lesson and a few more shekels in your pocket is always nice. Putting it another way, such a company that essentially promotes such behavior has no business being in business.

In the US, and most places I hope, there is no commit unless the shrink thinks harm to self or others is IMMINENT . Just how you phrase it is up to you but as long as it seems like something you think about, wish for, might do some far off day , etc etc they do not commit people in the US, at least.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 3:23 pm

if i had what i needed the other day i would have taken it. so “think about, wish for, might do some far off day” isnt the truth. i wish it was though. im just so sick of living with myself. the few friends and family i do have, have to put up with me even though they say its fine it really doesnt feel fine. saying words at all to anyone feels wrong and alienating. and i have no idea how they can say they are fine with me when im tired of myself.

a1957 11/26/2019 - 6:56 pm

Those people say they are fine with you most likely because you treat them as well as you can, and that could be pretty good actually. But you are affected by every bit of shit that ever happened to you, and that is a lot a lot of shit that happened. Bad bad shit happening to people can make them very tired of themselves. Very very tired.

It'll Be Ok 11/26/2019 - 3:58 pm

No immediate danger….im on my way to a bridge….lets see what happens

a1957 11/26/2019 - 6:44 pm

going to a bridge, itself, just doing that, gives us a feeling we are doing something about the pain in our lives

hope432 11/28/2019 - 10:34 am

“how I have been raped 181 times since February 2016.”

Cause of Death: Suicide and It’will Be Ok, watch out ’cause a virgin just read your posts(me).
There are also many others….

It'll Be Ok 11/28/2019 - 11:10 am

Watch out for what? Virgin or not this stuff happens. And don’t be talking to me I’m told them to knock it off and I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not my fault they kept going on and didn’t even pay any attention to what the post is actually about.

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