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miserable

by eviewiththebpd

i wish i could tell you it kills me when you make plans and don’t follow through without you then distancing yourself, or getting defensive. every time i think you’re coming over, i get all dressed up, i get excited, i base my whole day around seeing you and then you cancel. and i know it isn’t your fault but i wish you’d just not tell me unless you were sure.
i’ve been so suicidal. i don’t enjoy living anymore. i feel so distant from you. i feel so worthless

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5 comments

DogCat 11/12/2019 - 3:05 pm

It is their fault. If they wanted to make you a priority, they would. Dump their ass and stop waiting around for them. It makes you miserable.

Silversilvers 11/14/2019 - 12:12 am

When someone truly wants you, they will make the time to see and be there for you. It’s not your fault. You’re beautiful for simply trying.

It'll Be Ok 11/14/2019 - 2:25 am

I had a friend like that. We’d make plans for the weekend then say…thursday I’ll ask her if she’s excited for the weekend and I got the same response every time. “Sorry I made plans with someone else” like did no one teach you priorities. We made plans first. That means YOU fucked up and should be canceling your plans with the other person but nope it was always me. And then she went and basically had my bf cheat on me. Like really b***h I thought we were fucking friends. Sorry I wasted my time I guess.

postalservice 12/8/2019 - 3:20 am

My friend used to do that sort of thing for me when I’d plan to come over. You know, get excited and dress up, etc. I just thought it was him wanting to see me after a year or two of distance after high school. We used to spend years together/every day. We were best friends! We read the same books, We traveled across the country, snuck our parent’s overratedly “pricey” liquor, walked along the beach until the sun went down, and walked all over town, through graveyards and alleys just to maybe find something interesting as we talked about everything.
I was in college and he was writing for a magazine in new york, I guess I never picked up on the cues because he told me he was in love with me after all those years. I didn’t feel the same, and it put a wedge between us/felt awkward and not the same at all.
This post kind of reminds me of that. I would cancel and get the same type of reply, and not really get why.

postalservice 12/8/2019 - 3:24 am

Nonetheless that sort of wedge still saddens me because I miss how close we were.
anyway hopefully you aren’t in that type of cat/mouse pull/push sort of deal. Which, you are in your own way but, I don’t know.

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