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by evianwatre

hey guys, is there a way i can prevent my family members from committing suicide after my death?

 

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evianwatre 11/23/2019 - 1:35 am

i love how i will still be bothered by their actions after i leave, they twisted me into how i am now, trapped me with threats of ending their own lives when i tried my very best to tell them i’ve been miserable everyday and the memories are stuck in my head. i can’t stay any longer, i have hope and goals in life but i can’t live with all my past memories fucking me over, i can barely do any of my school work, i can’t talk to anyone casually anymore. they’re always disappointed and i’ll never be enough while they fucked my life up and turned me to the miserable trash. i’m tired of strangling/punching myself to feel better, i’m tired of writing these words on this website to relieve myself in a way. i know i won’t be feeling this way forever, but i’m drained emotionally and physically, no matter how much i sleep i’m always exhausted but sleeping is the only way i can escape from this world. i love every bit of this world, i do, i just don’t deserve to observe it’s beauty anymore. the only thing keeping me from ending my life is the thought of them killing themselves after i leave, i’m terrified all the time. i’ve been through so many traumatic experiences i can barely talk about it to any of my friends, i don’t know how to start and i end up only ranting about the smallest things in life because i can’t bring myself to bother them anymore. i don’t want to trouble anyone by killing myself,

wouldn’t it be nice to just wake up, and suddenly every trace of your existence is erased from the world, and no one remembers you? i wish i’m transparent, then i won’t have to contaminate anyone’s eyes by looking at me. then i can finally live for myself, i’ll find a quiet place and die, and when they find me, i’ll be fully decomposed and they wouldn’t know who i am or what i’ve been through. well, i’m just imagining, it’s impossible, but i at least want to die without making an impact(or that much of an) on them. i have goals in life and things i want, but i can’t bring myself to be interested any longer, i’m tired of being here.

ultraviolet 11/23/2019 - 4:35 pm

My mom did this. For a long while. I would try and tell her she made me feel miserable. But she judged me and wouldn’t listen instead. Then after I attempted she began to say things like “if you die I’ll die too I can’t live without my daughters” truth is though. She can. There were moments when my older sisters were to scared so I would have to chase my mom down because she had taken a gun and was about to shoot herself. I didn’t care to be shot. But I realized she didn’t mean anything about her killing herself. I realized parents threaten their children this way because they know it scares them. It’s a way of manipulating them. When I told her “if you really felt like doing it then you would have by now” she never did it again. She realized I wasn’t going to be manipulated by her threats.

evianwatre 11/26/2019 - 5:40 pm

i’m pretty sure my mother meant what she said, my whole family is on the verge of falling apart. i’m terrified of talking to her about my condition again as it would cause a bigger trouble than what already exists now.

Cause of Death: Suicide 11/26/2019 - 12:13 am

Yes, I agree it surely would be nice to disappear and have no trace of your existence left to offend the eyes of those who are looking.

evianwatre 11/23/2019 - 2:50 pm

please help, if you see this. i dont know how

ElElyon 11/23/2019 - 3:00 pm

I don’t think it is possible. I think the best anyone can do is leave a well-written or otherwise typed and signed note for closure. Even then, that’s a shot in the dark.

hope432 11/23/2019 - 3:04 pm

Yes, suicide DOES have consequences.
“i have hope and goals in life but i can’t live with all my past memories fucking me over, i can barely do any of my school work, i can’t talk to anyone casually anymore.”

This part of your life is the most difficult as it was mine…. you have no idea how brave you are. You are part of the younger generation and you live in a world full of temptations.

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