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This must be an alternate timeline.

by infinitetears

I can only hope there’s some version of me out there who wasn’t taken from her dad when she was 2. Didn’t grow up always wanting to go home even when she was there. Wasn’t raped in 5th grade and been praying for death since 8th. She didn’t go on to destroy every relationship she’s ever been in. She’s still married now with a daughter named Belle, because she actually met her prince charming young and healthy. God listens to her prayers but she doesn’t go to church much because her life is happy.

I’ll just sit here crying endlessly hoping there’s at least one happy version of me in the multiverse. Maybe I’ll meet her when I die. I don’t feel emotions anymore because they hurt too much. I’m too stubborn to kill myself, but the amount of agony life can hurl at me only seems to grow as time moves forward. I’m a horrible tower with stones of false hope put together with mistake mortar. I have no more usefulness. I only hope the vines cover my shameful shamble of a self and eventually I am forgotten.

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Yoges 11/30/2019 - 2:25 am

Sorry for your horrid childhood experiences. Mine were a fairytale by comparison but I must say your words touched a raw nerve somewhere. Although I’m not into theories of multiverse, even if there was such a thing, it wouldn’t give me an iota of solace to know that a ‘version’ of me is living the ideal life somewhere. If anything I’d be burning with envy.

infinitetears 11/30/2019 - 2:44 am

I had this thought not too long ago. That even if I died and went to heaven. It wouldn’t be good unless it somehow changed what I had gone through. My dreams change who I am all the time. Maybe I could live through the better path in a sort of dreamy way in the ether… actually have other spirits that would want to be with me…

hope432 11/30/2019 - 4:52 pm

Hello,

I pray that angels will visit you in your dreams, too. As for an alternative reality, I know what you mean. What if this life was just a dream? What if we waked up from a long, long sleep and we see home? We feel love, relief, peace, energy and meaning?

As for your childhood, I will be honest with you. I don’t know what abuse means because I am a man. Anyway, I hope they didn’t take your innocence and your inner child, which is the most important thing.
We need to be like children, as many sages tell us.

You need to find meaning in your life and live for someone.

I really hope that at least you, don’t end up like some people here and commit the deed…. you know…

Peace

hope432 11/30/2019 - 5:03 pm

“Which is greater, the tears you have shed while transmigrating and wandering this long, long time – crying and weeping from being joined with what is displeasing, being separated from what is pleasing – or the water in the four great oceans ?…. This is the greater: the tears you have shed….

Gautama Buddha

“Long have you (repeatedly) experienced the death of a mother. The tears you have shed over the death of a mother while transmigrating and wandering this long, long time – crying and weeping from being joined with what is displeasing, being separated from what is pleasing – are greater than the water in the four great oceans ”

Gautama Buddha

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