The funny thing about suicide is that you cannot guarantee whether you’ll suceed 100% or fail. It’s been months since I prepared my notes but I just won’t fucking die. Yeah I locked myself in my cabinet and tried carbon monoxide. I thought it wasn’t working so I came out. The moment I removed the tapes and stepped out of the cabinet finally breathing pure oxygen, I felt so dizzy the room was literally spinning, i felt like vomitting and was having a headache at the same time. I remember eating while lying down with my eyes closed.
I said I’d definitely try that again but was afraid people in our house will be suspicious of me. Good thing I was prescribed beta blockers by my neurologist. Overdosed on it but it didn’t work. After a few wks I bought potassium pills to overdose but it didn’t work again. The same night I overdosed with some other pills like paracetamol and ibrupofen. It just got me gastritis. I was certain that’ll work due to the amount I took.
I was running out of money since I’m a student who just relies on my weekly allowance. Searched again and finally got my answer. I bought three types of antifreeze from the store. Tasted which ones tastes sweet BUT HELL IT WASN’T SWEET AT ALL IT TASTES SO BITTER EXCEPT FOR ONE THAT TASTES JUST A LITTLE BIT SWEET.
So here I am now running out of options. Can’t believe my stupidity reaches this level. Maybe it is fate that keeps on interfering but I don’t know. I just wanna fucking die. I am a Catholic but I do wonder, if I ask God to take my life will He?