I feel a void in myself. I feel so numb lately. I’m missing something from my life. Life feels so empty. There’s no excitement in it for me anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just feel lost. I’m not happy or sad. I just feel emotionless and I think that’s worse. Although from a former perspective I should feel sad but I can’t even shed a tear some days because even that’s too much work. Just one tear today and it was from looking at a beautiful picture someone had taken and posted online. Maybe it was a reminder of what I am missing out on in life. I suppose it’s quite obvious what’s wrong with me. I spend too much time working, sleeping, and staring at a screen. I wanna get out there and try new things but I can’t exactly just stop working. I don’t know…..maybe I’m overthinking it. Perhaps I’m just afraid I’ll feel the same even after I go out there and try new things. But that picture made me feel otherwise so perhaps I should just go out there within the next couple days. The thing is, I can actually go to that exact same spot in the picture I saw and it’s less than 30 miles away from me. I just wanna feel human again. I feel like a robot in front of my screen. I just want to disconnect and start connecting with nature and the beautiful things in life…..I’m gonna do just that here in a couple days. Something just tells me I should go there to find some peace so that’s what I’ll do. And I’m gonna start learning how to play the piano already. I’m so afraid to try for some reason. But I’m done watching life on the sidelines. I want to experience life in all its cycles even it’s unpleasant ones. Any feeling is better than my current one. Heck I’m not even feeling anything right now. I feel like I’ve been dead inside for years now…like I’ve wasted my early years of life. Ever since I was in sophomore year of high school till now I’ve progressively gotten worse and worse. At first I felt really sad and at times could even feel anger but now I’m just so numb. I’m now 23 and the years seem to be disappearing right before my eyes almost like I’ve been on autopilot for the past 7-8 years. I wanna feel alive again.