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Life is so dark yet beautiful

by lonewolf23

I feel a void in myself. I feel so numb lately. I’m missing something from my life. Life feels so empty. There’s no excitement in it for me anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just feel lost. I’m not happy or sad. I just feel emotionless and I think that’s worse. Although from a former perspective I should feel sad but I can’t even shed a tear some days because even that’s too much work. Just one tear today and it was from looking at a beautiful picture someone had taken and posted online. Maybe it was a reminder of what I am missing out on in life. I suppose it’s quite obvious what’s wrong with me. I spend too much time working, sleeping, and staring at a screen. I wanna get out there and try new things but I can’t exactly just stop working. I don’t know…..maybe I’m overthinking it. Perhaps I’m just afraid I’ll feel the same even after I go out there and try new things. But that picture made me feel otherwise so perhaps I should just go out there within the next couple days. The thing is, I can actually go to that exact same spot in the picture I saw and it’s less than 30 miles away from me. I just wanna feel human again. I feel like a robot in front of my screen. I just want to disconnect and start connecting with nature and the beautiful things in life…..I’m gonna do just that here in a couple days. Something just tells me I should go there to find some peace so that’s what I’ll do. And I’m gonna start learning how to play the piano already. I’m so afraid to try for some reason. But I’m done watching life on the sidelines. I want to experience life in all its cycles even it’s unpleasant ones. Any feeling is better than my current one. Heck I’m not even feeling anything right now. I feel like I’ve been dead inside for years now…like I’ve wasted my early years of life. Ever since I was in sophomore year of high school till now I’ve progressively gotten worse and worse. At first I felt really sad and at times could even feel anger but now I’m just so numb. I’m now 23 and the years seem to be disappearing right before my eyes almost like I’ve been on autopilot for the past 7-8 years. I wanna feel alive again.

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5 comments

WickedApparition 12/2/2019 - 2:56 am

Here’s something interesting for you to consider.

Many people thinking feel the same way you do, BUT the reason this is so hard to overcome is because they don’t stop to identify what has made them or is making them feel this way and they become fixated on the action of trying to change it; however, there’s a compounding problem on top of that. Since the person didn’t take the time to identify the cause they are unable to take the steps necessary for this action so begin to make up excuses as a way to try to cope and justify the inaction and stagnation.

If you take a step back and actually read what you wrote you can clearly see all of the great opportunities and and ideas and dreams that you have expressed, but the one thing you will not see is one valid reason for anything that is holding you back. Everybody tries to use the excuse of time but you had enough time to come here and create this post so obviously there’s time available for you to start something ; therefore, let’s just eliminate that excuse entirely from the equation.

Now, what are you left with as your reasoning? – Nothing.

So what’s the problem? You feel sad, bad, numb, or whatever? Doing something in search of making you happy isn’t going to make it worse, lol. In fact the opportunity will be there to achieve the opposite.

I think the true thing holding you back is you’re afraid of what you can achieve. You’ve grown so accustomed to how you currently feel that you’re using that as an excuse to stop you from your potential.

Stop it, lol. Don’t be afraid of all the great things you can achieve.

ElElyon 12/2/2019 - 6:10 am

While I like the attempt at positivity, the raw presumptuousness in your points physically hurts to read.

rivets 12/2/2019 - 7:57 am

Did you know that the pool on the Titanic is still full of water? Crazy, right?

infinitetears 12/2/2019 - 10:56 pm

Go for learning the piano. Yousician is a good app for learning it. I feel better on the days I sing and play. I felt ancient at 23. I feel younger now at 31. Go have fun. Hug a tree, draw a landscape. There’s a pinball place I haven’t visited yet. I’m still in the hermit feel-suicidal-every-night phase but at least know it’s possible to escape from this.

hope432 12/3/2019 - 9:24 am

” I’m now 23 and ”

Hello there, when I came here, 4 years ago, I was full of great expectations in my life, but I was very lonely, fatigued and anxious. I was 23, just like you! So, welcome!

Now, I am full of joy sometimes, I work hard for my goals and I have found meaning in my life while I still don’t have many friends. (when I came here I had just one).

People encouraged me and told me not to drop out of university. I didn’t. So, I graduated and now I work as a volunteer, waiting for a job.

The only old member I know here in this topic is rivets…

Sometimes Rocketman comes and posts here on the website but I am worried about him because he really smoked too much in his life…

I am still a lonely person, in the sense that I like to spend my time alone mostly. I usually smoke alone but I enjoy myself.

So, good luck!

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