Watching your life fall apart in front of your own eyes..

Before last year I never knew anybody could feel this.. alone. Empty. Just, nothing to life. People say: be happy! Positive vibes! Get out of your hole and grow up. Those are my friends. Close friends try to help but they have no idea what I’m going through or r going through the same thing as I am. Then just everyone else thinks I have a great, normal life.
I’ve called so many suicide lines, texted them.. searched pain relief. Attempted jumping in front of a car 3 times in one week but resisted.. talked to “friends”.. tried super heard to have a good day.. and that was only through 4 months of depression, anxiety, stress, and other general disorders.. Everyday I constantly worry, stress, and think about suicide when I’m with friends, family, school, etc. Idek why I’m still here honestly.
I’ve helped ppl won’t problems of their own.. they say I’m “wise”. What they’re going through is nothing I have. Bed is the only comfort place away from people.. jailed in my thoughts.
Where to go? Why am I still here? Is there any other relief if dying isn’t one?
I spent hours of searching about Disorders, how religion can effect depression and talking with people who just don’t understand.
What’s the point anyway.