Wishing that I could die

Hi everyone. This year has been misery for me. I have had 6 psychiatric hospitalizations and 2 failed suicide attempts. Throughout this time I have been trying to use my family as motivation because I have always been family oriented and a loving person. I suffer from severe OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, and some doctors have said Bipolar and Generalized Anxiety. I’m currently in a Partial program and I have family-based services. I’m just at a loss because I really want out of my pain, I’ve also trolled the web to figure out methods of suicide but I’m too afraid I’ll end up worse than what I am. This is why I wish something would just happen to me so I don’t have to attempt again. I’m constantly questioning my diagnosis and fearing that I’m schizophrenic even though I don’t hear voices. I feel like a vegetable even though I’m not, I just feel worthless and so different from the happy go lucky person I used to be. I was amazing for a year and a half and my symptoms came back this year around January and since I just haven’t been the same.