ive been struggling so much just to get simple things done. what originally would take me 2 hours to finish went from 11pm to 5am. i can barely remember what i want to say, i can’t do my daily work without being affected anymore.but still i’m too scared to ask the teacher for an extension, i’ve lost hope on communicating to family or friends, i’ve tried my best to be normal, i really did, really, but the effort goes into nothing. i’m completely drained, completely burned out. i’ve sunk to the bottom, again. no matter how hard i work i just can’t get the things right. the past 2 years has been the lowest point in my life, not saying i’ve lived long, i don’t want to live long, how am i going to make it to die of old age? how long will it take for everyone who knows me to die?how long will i wait? i’m exhausted. maybe i’m just overthinking this, maybe i’m not mentally fucked, maybe when i open my eyes after 2 hours everything’ll go back to the way they were. nothing and everything is going on at once, every drop of rain hitting the roof, every muscle pulling my fingers to type. why am i, out of everyone why am i here? this room needs to be owned a person who actually deserves to be here.
it’s raining in vancouver