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am i really alone as i think i am?

by Abandoned

i made a post about some of my worse problems and didnt exactly get the response i was hoping for although i thank rainwatch for answering and talking to me. but now i have something else.
am i the only one that feels hatred?

you all talk about oh they have done this to me that and the other thing but it seems im the only one that feels anger towards the ones that made me like this. overall im an extremely nice person. unless im wronged. and my enemies should be scared. they have wronged me. they have left me alone and broken to fend for myself. it is because of them that i do not have the capability to live my life to its fullest. and although i would love to see the whites of their eyes as their soul (or lack there of. black tar of a soul…yeah) as their black tar of a soul oozes from their body. the life slowly being drained from them the way they did so to me only leaving me alive to suffer, im going to do it the legal way and just shove my successful hopes and dreams in their face. point is though, yeah cuz i wanted these fucking problems. i wanted to pay all of this fucking money to “fix” myself. all this fucking time its going to waste until the day i die.

all i ask is a few questions.
why should i have to die for the wrongs they have done to me. why do i have to suffer because of what some fucking assholes did to me 5+ years ago? am i the only one that feels this way? and if im not… why not stand up for yourself and do something? ok that question probably came out a bit harsh and wrong. let me show you my pov.

my mother abused me since the day i was born. one day she slapped me across the face and i had enough of her bullshit so i slapped her back. and that was the last time she ever hit me. now im not saying go and hit your mom but if you can why not try to change your situation? i understand its not always possible but when it is…whats stopping you from being happy and doing what you want with your life? basically dont get mad at me because i worded something poorly. explain it to me.

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creep 1/14/2020 - 9:58 pm

“Am i the only one that feels hatred”

Not by a long shot, though I think there’s a bit of taboo about really talking about it.

“why should i have to die for the wrongs they have done to me. why do i have to suffer because of what some fucking assholes did to me 5+ years ago?”

This is just my personal opinion and it’s probably born from an idealistic view I used to have of things before I got old enough to realize the full extent of how fucked and unfair life is, but you shouldn’t have to imo. And going back to the hatred thing, part of me would happily watch every child abusing prick of a parent, rapist, etc burn in a gas fire choking on smoke. Sincerely would.

“am i the only one that feels this way?”

Not everyone does, but you aren’t, and you have a right to the way you feel about it.

“why not stand up for yourself and do something?”

The people that did the things to me have their fingers on my life’s vitals right now, and doing something means my life is over. If I get to the point that I can’t see another way out maybe I’ll take them down with me in one form or another at least, idk. Considering how much I’ve missed out on and how long I’ve watched my life pass me by as I struggle to find a way out of this hell while putting money in other people’s pockets and a side game of being strung along, maybe it’s time to say fuck it to it all.

Don’t know if this was any help or what you were looking for. Wasn’t originally going to but idk. It all sucks ass.

btw

“one day she slapped me across the face and i had enough of her bullshit so i slapped her back. and that was the last time she ever hit me.”

I don’t generally recommend violence, but that’s awesome that you stood up like that and that it got you those results.

404 1/15/2020 - 1:26 am

i understand why you would feel backed into a corner but why couldnt you tell the cops? if you are dependant on someone couldnt you just tell the cops you have no wheres to turn to and that you are scared of what might happen? depending on where you live. i do understand that all polic forces arent the best. hell mine sucks. i went through this whole court thing soon after i moved out because they didnt like that. and the cop came to the house to say my dad (stepdad unknown at that time) was coming to pick me up. i started crying and i told the cop she hits me and im suicidal and he just……like wtf. do your damn job. it says protect right on your fucking vehicle. point is i get cops suck. because i also told like the family cop or whoever she was and they still sent me back. and the guy they took me away from also told a few cops to not send me there because im suicidal and they still sent me back. then i went missing and fucked their whole case LOL

i typically am against violence but sometimes its necessary.

creep 1/15/2020 - 2:51 am

Well it’s rare for them to do anything I could get the cops involved for, and it’d be a he said they said situation anyway if they get a little physical or steal from me again. I’m just not financially able to do anything but be patient right now or self destruct my own life and take them with me. Latter option means I have to abandon someone else I promised to stick around for. Calculated choice I guess.

As far as cops go, I guess I try to be careful about judging. A lot of times their hands are tied by shitty rules made by politicians and bureaucrats. But whether it’s the cops themselves or the rule makers that tell them what they do and don’t do, or maybe even both, someone sucked in your case and I’m sorry that happened. What happened when you went missing?

404 1/15/2020 - 4:00 am

The case got dropped. I was all they had.

creep 1/15/2020 - 7:38 am

I guess I was wondering more what happened with you. Sorry insomnia, maybe I’m missing the obvious

404 1/15/2020 - 8:32 am

I hid until the whole thing was over (a month) and now he and I have been married for a year.

a1957 1/15/2020 - 8:31 am

“my mother abused me since the day i was born. ”

Me too.

“one day she slapped me across the face and i had enough of her bullshit so i slapped her back. and that was the last time she ever hit me. ”

First , this happen to my brother, a year and half younger than me, eight years old he was. Mother was abusing him dreadfully and he gut punched her. Surprise. She stopped. She never struck him again.

Second was me, a few day later. Severe abuse. I refused to make a sound. my silence deprived her of her reward. Surprise again. She stopped. She never struck me again.

I understand self defense.

evianwatre 1/15/2020 - 11:56 am

you’re also talking about “oh they have done this to be and the other thing” though, in no way do i mean anything negative but no, you don’t have to die for the wrongs of others, people have different mind sets and they have their reasons to choose whether to “stand up for themselves” or not.

rivets 1/15/2020 - 8:37 pm

What’s stopping me? Landlords, the power company, my ISP, the HR people where I work, the police who enforce ridiculous laws, the legal system that criminalizes poverty, etc, etc… or one might just say society, civilization. Its a big barrier. 😛

theagonyandtheecstasy_ 2/8/2020 - 8:55 pm

Omg. You backhanded your mom.
My mom was a raging alcoholic, but had I done what u did I wouldn’t be alive right now. Lol

finding my dad after he passed was hard because I was 18 and this meant temporarily moving in with her. Her fits were endless~ I literally had to choose between her and a 40 year old man that talked like a baby and blasted john Denver 24/7 , asked constantly if I’d pretend to be his gf to get his mom off his back……? No?
(needed a cosigner) new roommate, I ran with it. Luckily he was never home and always paid on time.
Him… Or her………
No question there.
My twin. lives with her now. She ended up with a shaved head and hospitalized. LOL a joke, to laugh it off, we call it the Carolyn k challenge.
(Not to stigmatized illness) lol

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