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Black Dust

by autumn_

Do you ever get tired of trying to explain your side of the story? The why that why this. I’m tired of trying to get my point across because I feel like it doesn’t even matter anymore. I’ll only dig a deeper hole into my grave. I’m tired of trying to explain myself whenever I get misinterpreted. Whenever someone misunderstand my point. It got to a stage where I’am physically, emotionally and mentally tired of what’s happening. Everything’s falling apart and me trying to speak out only makes the destruction go faster. It’s like calming a tornado. My chest hurts and tightens every now and then. I feel like shit. I feel completely useless. Drained. Dead.

Most of the time I just keep quiet. I try to be more understanding about how others feel but what about how I feel? I feel like I’m always being stepped on and the worst thing is, I let them.

I do things that even damages myself more and get blamed for it. Sometimes getting blame for a situation I myself was just caught in. It’s not like I wanted to hurt anyone. I did and that’s my fault but sometimes I get blamed even if I’m not the root of it. It’s like I’m always the error. I’m always the one failing to get the system going right. I’m always the black sheep. I just want for things to be okay. I don’t want any of this shits in my life but I’m getting blamed for them too. I’m just tired and exhausted. All of this toxicity is like inhaling a black dust, a deadly one and it getting sucked into you and suddenly you can’t breathe and you can’t do anything about it anymore. It kills you slowly but you have no choice since you brought it upon yourself. I really don’t know what to do. I feel empty. I’ve given up.

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1 comment

sergeantliberal 1/25/2020 - 9:08 pm

For what it’s worth I feel you.
I’m always tired but never able to sleep, and I’m always trying to right but instead doing wrong. I wish all the shit in my life would be ok, too

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