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I like rains, it kills people

by crabby

I have been hurt by a lot of people. Abused, verbally, physically, sexually. I was made to remain silent because the one who did it to me was a medical student. The faculty said it was for the sake of inpatients in this medical school, I had to stay shut and allow myself to see him abusing more people. They made me fail a module as a threat, and as punishment for disturbing their peace. I lost all of the money I collected to retake the semester. I have no money to treat mg breast tumor

Then this year came. It rains, A LOT. Oh for so many day. I look at the rain from my apartment far away, noted how I love the sounds and how clean the air became after it stops. I love how the thunders shakes building, reminds me of how angry I am toward this city and everyone in it

Then the flood came to the city, to my medschool educational hospital and homes, from slums to villas. And on the new year eve, god did it STORMED. 2020 was started with flood so violent 19.000 people become refuge, around 16 people died already.

Obviously I have nothing to do with the flood. Not because some bullshit reason like myself keeping the environment clean or some shit, but because my apartment is in the next city. Those people are the reason I lost all my money, the reason they allowed my rapist to run free. Those “potential patients” of my medschool. And now I can watch them suffer from high above. I can watch cadavers from forensic department rots in the water and as my evil professors struggle to move away their beloved little medals to another office. Suffer all of you bastards, suffer like I did. Cry to god and demand him to give you reason why did this happened to you, and expect silence. Go and feel the abandonment and despair. Suffer!

I have always wished to die in the sea. The place where I came from have a big, open ocean where my body will never be found. At least some of my diluted body fluid can become the next year’s flood and I can participate in making them suffer more next time. This line of thinking should have give other despair, but it give me hope.

Oh this year’s flash floods will probably stay until mid-march. Its gonna keep raining until then. And until then, I can, for once a year, stare at the cloudy sky and feel a sliver of contentment in my painful absurd life.

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