Today, I find it very peculiar for me to open up myself to people that I don’t really expect that the words that I need to hear would be coming from them. I discussed it to my organization adviser, the school Dean, and the person that I didn’t really like…
Yet the words that I needed to hear came from them with sincerity and assurance… They assured to me that they don’t mean to invalidate of what I’m feeling… That whatever happens to me is still my own choosing. And somehow I feel better.
Still… I can’t believed that she’s gone and I’m here still standing. I still am feeling sad and guilty. Guilty of being able to do more for her but I wasn’t able to. Even though I want to cling to her last words for me to live for her and always do my best is too difficult for me now. The emotion and shock is just too heavy for me to bear now. It left a hole in me and will definitely leave a scar.
I believe that this is a perfect situation for me to become strong again and become another hope and inspiration to someone… And this time I’ll do better.
1 comment
The fact that she sent you a farewell note as you mentioned in a previous post means she thought very highly of you. Survivors of suicide loss always feel guilty, could I of done more etc, from that perspective your current emotions are normal.