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im a horrid friend

by DOA

i told him i was painting so i couldnt answer. i lied. i was going to hangout with my cousin and try a new drug. my cousin got into a car accident and we ended up not doing it. hes fine no one was even scratched. but it happened. i told him i wouldnt throw anything. that i would calm down. i ended up throwing something then cutting myself deeper then i think ive ever cut before. everything is getting worse. my drinking. my drug use. im sneaking behind peoples backs. i never lied to my friend before and not it seems thats all i do. part of me wants to tell him the truth but he would never trust me again. i wouldnt be able to live with myself if he didnt trust me. we had a problem where i accidental blew up at him. he said he didnt trust me. it tore me apart. i did everything i could for him to trust me again. i cant lose that again. but at the same time i know ill never change. maybe i should just do what my last post said and leave him be. its either that or keep lying. or i could tell the truth. i wouldnt be very happy with myself no matter what i do

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