I don’t entirely understand why I think this way, but when I’m in a slump struggling to keep up with my commitments, my family and friends, usually starting with a comment my father will make.
“I’m just frustrated that you don’t respect me enough to listen to what I have to say.”
I go into a downward spiral, struggling to fight off the demons that haunt my life. My suicidal thoughts that play on repeat, over and over again. Their no rational to it, just boom your dad thinks your a failure oh maybe lets just stop here I’ve had enough.
I understand the insanity of it, I would never act on it but the urge to do so often is so strong I can feel the pressure on my neck, or the catch in my breaths.
And now with impending medical issues (NOTE: could be anything just worried it’s cancer) the same mantras of uselessness and painful to be around attitudes. Just keep my thinking in circles.
I don’t know just needed to get my thoughts out quickly, I think I’ll go into more detail later on, just needed to vent.