“Premiere” high schools are the worst. They force their students to work, work, work all for the name of the school. They even run away from helping their students since they don’t want to acknowledge the fact that they are killing thousands of young minds… I won’t kill myself in spite of my school because it’s pointless. Admins will attend your funeral and then go back to doing their same old bullshit, not giving a fuck about their school’s students.
I just want to graduate from this stupid high school but I know that it’s pointless because all the other colleges are going to be hard. Why am I not resilient? I just want to cry and run away from the rest of the world. I want to lock myself in my bedroom. I know climate change and capitalism are going to kill us all and all our efforts to help make a better future for ourselves and other organisms are just going to be futile because we do not have the power and money the rich and greedy have. I want to run away to a paradise, where I can be happy and content. I kinda wish I could just become a “vegetable” right now because I don’t want to work in a future that has no hope.
I know that there is some good left in the world, but I’m gonna admit that it’s not enough to stop the world from turning into shithole in the next few years? decades?
I have workaholic friends and I guess I’m kind of a workaholic too. Some of them choose to be workaholics due to my school driving them to do so — “Always aim for excellence.” Me? I didn’t choose to be one, but the school, throwing 5 papers a week as a requirement, forced me to be one. I just wanna lock myself in my room, play games, and sleep for the rest of my life. I’ll get bored, but it’s the only thing I know now. I can’t even make myself work for an hour straight. All my papers this year were submitted late. Late. I wish the teachers in my school had lower standards, especially for those with mental health problems (i.e., all of us).
I wanna withdraw, withdraw, withdraw and stay forever in my room. I could kill myself but my dumbass will and always will fail to do so and then my parents will find out again and scream and yell at me. I could break up with my boyfriend and ghost all of my friends so that there would be less people to stop me from isolating myself. But…
I don’t know what’s stopping me.
I’m so lost.
I wish the world would end and all of our miseries would end once and for all.