it feels not good to try to get enough of something.
the quality even increases.
close to all is back in my memories.
motivation are cigarettes.
solitude and sanity.
anger? most gone.
like to smile.
can not be left like that though. i would like to still, but the hassle of getting drugs? fears about are just to be conscious when it happens.
also, I can not sleep again through whole months, being vegetative seemingly. it’ll be called an exception some day to get into substances. facing the right medication, therapies.. but nothing of me being Human, any Interest.
Social Networks will Fade. I hate doing waste, doing Moods. Be Happy, most Type of Fun. Journeys.
The Uselessness starts not from Me that ache me, but None I will assault upon (again). No Progress through the Day. Subjective Gain just Moods again. Teamwork on Simple Things. Sports for Distraction. To Paint.
Even to write scales Down to something I would not need honestly.