So the title is pretty self explanatory. I’ll be brutally honest here….I’m a piece of shit! I am selfish loser who will have to do his time in jail. A couple of days ago I got arrested for a DUI that involved two other innocent people. They’re cars were messed up and especially the one that was directly in front of me when I crashed. Thankfully no one was hurt despite how crowded it was however that could of very easily turned deadly. In Arizona it is law that you go to jail at least for 10 days (which is nothing) and can expect time lengths of 6 months up to 5 years in jail. What I did was foolish and selfish so now I will have to do the time. I am not looking for any forgiveness but I just wanted to get this off my chest first and I will be apologizing to those people who I have caused damages to. Any apology won’t mean shit so I’m gonna do whatever I can to pay up for those damages plus some. I know now that I absolutely have a drinking problem. I would deny it anymore because next time it can mean the end of somebodies life.
The next couple of years are going to be some of the most intense and challenging in my life but you know what!….I should’ve thought about the consequences before making a stupid decision. Now I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. What’s done is done and I must become mentally strong so that I can own up to what I’ve done. It all felt like a really bad dream that I just couldn’t wake up from ever since I crashed about 3 days ago. I felt like I could just pinch myself and I’d wake up from this nightmare but no this is my reality now. From here on out it’s sink or swim. I have decided that I will swim. I’m especially gonna need this attitude in jail. I will be challenged and I’ve already assumed the worst will happen in there so mentally I have around 30 days before I will be booked in. For now I will have to do everything I can to prepare myself mentally and physically because it will be one of the most challenging experiences I will go through. There’s always that possibility that I could end up dead in there but hey there was also that possibility I could’ve killed somebody 3 nights ago so really I shouldn’t be bitching about this! That lady had no idea what was coming just like I have no idea what will be coming in my future so if you ask me I say this is exactly what I deserve. Knowing this brings me some peace of mind like that’s where I belong because I do. Acceptance is important because until I do that I won’t be able to change. I accept that I am a weak pathetic timid selfish embarrassment of a man but I also accept the challenge to turn things around not just for me but for everybody. I need to realize that I live in a society of people and I need to learn that there are rules that I must follow for the safety and equal treatment of everybody. I have accepted that there will be no time for comfort in the next couple of years. There’s no time to take it easy anymore and the more I think about it the more I realize that should’ve never been my mentality in the first place. So this is actually exactly what I need to change. This is my life now.