hahaha so i have noooo idea what to do with him. we can go back to my other post for a minute about him having a gf and how im not the happiest about it but ill accept it. ok that mentioned lets go into a few other things.
first about the gf but a different problem. like i said ill accept him having a gf but this problem is a bit harder to accept especially since hes already showing signs of it and he doesnt even have one yet. i have abandonment issues. he knows this. he also knows i lost my last bff to a bf and her and i have rarely talked since and this was like 5-6 years ago. im TERRIFIED im going to lose him so my brain is like “go into defense mode. detach yourself from him before its too late and you get hurt.”
but then theres another problem. he has depression and anxiety. hes trying to change himself so he can “get better” and the other day he came to me looking for approval to do something his anxiety was telling him no about. im literally his only bestest friend thingy. like there are topics and things about him that literally im the only one in the world that knows. he feels safe telling me anything. and all of that makes me feel like i should stay around and suffer so he can have a chance to “get better”. not only this but he has told me on many occasions that if i were gone he would do nothing but worry about me and him knowing my mental condition doesnt help. we talked in school and stuff but when i moved out and got kicked out of school i didnt talk to him for 3 years i think. he said he thought about me and worried a lot because even back then he knew i was….lets just say wasnt quite right. he knew i thought about suicide and that i cut and had a tendency to hit my head of the wall. like duh of course he worried. and now my condition is worse then it was back then i can only imagine how much he would worry now if i was to go. especially considering the suicide scare (We will call it) back in……i wanna say november but dont quote me. and ive been watching a lot of videos about death and i picked out an urn…..yeah if i was him i wouldnt let me out of my site hehehe.
i dont want to go i just feel like i have to. like id be a hindrance to his relationship but he said it would be fine and that he would just explain that im a mentally unstable friend and if she cant accept that its her problem (he said that (but i paraphrased) so i did talk to him about it a little but i didnt mention the last big paragraph that i have posted here (rereading it i didnt tell him about the abandonment thing either or i at least didnt go into much detail about it. i dont remember) because i dont want him to feel bad). but i mean at the same time i feel like i have to stay and be his emotional support as im the only person he has plus hes been my emotional support since the beginning. before i even knew he was there for me, he was there for me. he put up with my cheating because he saw something wrong. he knew i wasnt just being a b*tch. not only did he put up with my cheating but while i was off with other guys he was asking his mom if i could move in (and his mom said yes) because, like i said, he saw something was wrong. but i walked out before he could tell me. i couldnt handle my cheating anymore. he deserved better and better wasnt me.
point is i have no idea what to do and i honestly cant see me emotionally feeling good for different reasons if i stay or go. what would you do? stay or go? and why?