tired

i feel so pathetic, honestly i’m over it.
i’m tired of feeling like this. i’m tried of getting over looked and feeling like my feelings aren’t vailed. this is all bullshit. when i actually opened up it was a sign of me seeking for attention then, now i cant even reach out for help nor say that i’m not okay because that means i want attention. i feel weak i’m not strong enough to get the help i need again because i have this fear that she’ll end up ignoring me because oh i’m doing it again . it’ll be like a cycle, oh i reach out to say i’m not okay, everyone turns away and sees it as me wanting everyone to look at me or thinks i’m trying to manipulate them. which i have gotten told that by my mother sadly i still haven’t been able to forgive her for that but she never asked for my forgiveness. everyone thinks i’m such this strong person who can get through anything and nothing really fazes me. that is not true i have built this wall that has me blocked from showing that i’m not okay and i’m struggling all on my own. no one has ever stopped to see that maybe this so called strong person actually isn’t.