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To be

by evianwatre

I’m so many different people at once.

It’s so hard to describe, especially when you’re suffering from what seems to be a mental illness. It’s not that I have any actual personality disorder or anything, but switching characters is exhausting, switching who I am is exhausting, and my opinions and the way of expression shifts so much it’s not unnecessary, but

but what, but I can’t find a word to get the idea across

i talk, a lot, it’s my character. But I just can’t get what I actually want to say out. My thoughts are almost abstract, when they’re clear they shifts all the time as I become her friend or his daughter, his student or the username on social platforms.

i can’t think of my thoughts

what are your thoughts when you can’t control them?

I talk on this site differently depending on how I feel, that goes for every human on earth. But sometimes the things I state only occur to me when I’m in that situation and mood, that goes for every human on earth, I don’t know what’s the point of me writing this. I feel powerless against myself

i know that I’m not going to be saved, I know how they are, I know how this is. I don’t know who I am because there’re too many of me. I’ve been lying and thinking and pretending and repeating the loop, I don’t know how to make it out, I don’t know when I can save me from myself.

i don’t know what I’m saying. To be human, to live, I can’t keep this up. I don’t know what I’m saying, because I don’t know who this is

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