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Too much too much too much too much too much too much too much too much too much

by Been Here Too Long

I cant keep my shit together, and I need to be the Jesus Christ of having my shit together right now. My life is falling apart. I’m working a shit job, and I get treated with zero fucking respect by my coworkers and customers (yeah yeah, I know, welcome to capitalism). I have no chance at getting the help I need for my mind or body. I’m addicted to self harm and my body is destroyed. I’m going to college, and I’m falling behind because I’m never doing enough. I have only one friend and he’s sick of me, but he won’t tell me to leave. I ruin fucking everything in my life. I have no family. I have nothing.  There’s no escape, and every time I pick myself up, I just fall down again, so what the fuck is the point? I can barely get myself to my fucking knees anymore, and I’ve got no chance of meaningfully standing on my own.  What the hell am I supposed to do?

I always try to DIY help myself with finding some information online, but there’s nothing fucking useful. Just “don’t kill yourself because your mom would be sad” or “stay alive and it will get better tomorrow”, and neither of these are true. My mom fucking raped me. ***** damn well doesn’t give a shit if I drop dead or not. Nothing’s changing by tomorrow. Even if I get a rush of serotonin, I just get too happy and I’m too much to deal with.  I’m always too much.  I’m never what I need to be, and I know I never will be. Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much Too much.

I wish I’d just fucking drop dead.


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lnrvlpz 2/22/2020 - 11:23 am

Hey! It sucks, right? It feels so heavy, draining, exhausting and it feels like the world constantly gives you pain that you don’t even deserve. But tell you what? It’s not gonna be okay tomorrow or the next day or even for a few weeks. But soon, it will be. We will never really know.

I know how it feels. It’s excruciating. Do not be worried, bec what you feel is valid. There’s nothing wrong about feeling things. It’s a confirmation that you are still alive. So, don’t worry about your friend. He won’t push you away bec I know he values you. You value, okay? Even for me. I may not know you, but your life is important. So… it’s okay if you feel that way. It’s okay to be sad, get mad and furious, even.

Ily <3

Cause of Death: Suicide 2/22/2020 - 1:46 pm

I’m with you man, I have been r*ped 190 times by estranged family or random aquaintances in the last three years. I mean, I’ve been planning to kill myself by shotgun to the head for the last 15, but I got a scholarship to college for9,000$ and I couldn’t even go because the whole week before class they were r*ping me nonstop. Now I sit in the corner and do nothing but cry and hurt myself. These sick f*cks are obsessed with me and have completely drove me to suicide….

but that’s fine because I probably would have killed myself anyway before theystarted r*ping me and abusing me, because I hate myself

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