Atychiphobia And Procrastination

I learned recently that I have atychiphobia. At least I think I do. It makes sense. Although a part of me just thinks I’m lazy. And when it comes time to produce, I panic and get scared. My left side hurts. It’s like a throbbing pain. Oh well. I’m back home. University basically shut down so I had to leave. Oh well. Better than being in a dirty apartment. Also food. I haven’t heard anything from her in like two weeks. I text and call everyday. It probably comes off as desperate and pathetic. It is desperate and pathetic. I think I rationalize it by saying that I’m checking up on her and that I’m afraid for her. Really I’m just really sad and lonely. She said she felt sick last time I talked to her, so that’s where a lot of the paranoia comes from what with everything going on. It’s crazy to think that someone in your life can just up and die and you would have no real way of knowing. I think she’s fine. I hope she’s fine. I have an essay due on Friday. Haven’t started. Haven’t even read my articles I picked out for it. I’m just procrastinating. Sometimes I go back and read old posts I write. To try and remember where I was at when I wrote those things. Sometimes they come off as cringy and sad. Other times it’s just nonsense. I feel like sleeping and not waking up. I feel like that a lot. I don’t know. Just writing down these little rambling nothings down.