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Hope for the fallen and check in

by CARLOSPEJUAN

Still alive, a little better, no longer suicidal unfortunately now I’m schizophrenic though. I am about to start school, I’m terrified that I’ll fail due to the brain decay from years of depression, but I’m still gonna try. Also apparently I wasn’t hacked I was just paranoid.

Many times I wonder if
CSmith, Rivets, MTPluto and the people who were here when I discovered this place still come here.
Anywho, sometimes things get better. They did for me (other than the schizophrenia part). I’m glad I didn’t commit suicide. But it’s ok to not be ok, just seek help if it gets to serious. You’ll know when that is. I hope everyone gets better or copes well with this condition we call depression. There is so much to live for. Death is one of those things too. Remember most people who live, die. Want to self harm? Hit the gym, trust me it hurts and makes you feel alive. I think I want to express so much about being on the other side of depression aka recovery, but I best let each person live their own version and what that may look like for each individual. Don’t give up, your life matters.

And for the song Loose You To Love me by Selena Gómez. It kinda fits my life at the moment since I lost so much but gained myself instead.

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DOA 3/10/2020 - 9:18 am

Rivets is a bit caught up with life right now but still checks in now and again.

I personally have visual hallucinations although I’m not sure what it is. I’m still working on a diagnosis.

I’m glad you’re feeling better 🙂

CARLOSPEJUAN 3/10/2020 - 9:23 pm

Well if you know rivets IRL say hi from me. I doubt they remember me but yeah. And about the visual hallucinations sorry to hear that. Those suck and they’re kinda weird. If you get a full blown vision it can be an interesting trip though. I’m by no means glamorizing it though.

DOA 3/11/2020 - 1:06 am

Will do 🙂
Definitely no glamorization here. They have the tendency to attack me. Real or not when you have something bigger then you running towards you. It’s not a lot of fun lol. Thankfully they haven’t been that bad in a bit.

CARLOSPEJUAN 3/11/2020 - 5:35 pm

That’s good that it’s gotten better. I recommend seeking aid though apparently if you leave it untreated you run the risk of exacerbating it.

theagonyandtheecstasy_ 3/10/2020 - 4:36 pm

It’s great to hear that you’re feeling better. 🙂
You ever get an itch about something loke hackers, that freaks you out, and learn how it works and even test it yourself? It sizes down the scary feeling of it. Relieving, honestly. I started having ocd behaviors like that after my dad passed away when I was 18. (Always thinking I was on danger.) It was torture. Lol I was always quiet about it. I mentally disentegrated, though, and cut every one off. Siblings, too. And kind of rotted for half a year. I recovered, too. It’s nice hearing about others recovering as well. Good luck on school! The more you get to know your peers the easier it is.

CARLOSPEJUAN 3/10/2020 - 9:26 pm

Thanks 🙂 ! I’ll try to get to know my peers. And yeah a state of paranoia is not fun. If left untreated I hear it can lead to panic attacks and stuff of that nature. I’m just glad you’re in a better place.

rivets 3/11/2020 - 1:25 pm

Dude, I totally remember you. Hope you do well with the school thing. My cats say hi. 🙂

CARLOSPEJUAN 3/11/2020 - 5:37 pm

Awwww tell them I say hi too. Give them a good petting for me. As for school thanks I’ll do my best

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