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I bent a thing until it broke.

by rivets

It seems like this thing we call society is made up of a vague impression of what everyone around us values, and how they think things ought to be, or how they think things are. I don’t like talking about society because it feels like I’m assaulting all the people who don’t fit into whatever generalization I’m thinking about, and reinforcing the reasoning of the people who do fit into that generalization. And I would never want to reinforce bad qualities in people who have them. I also don’t want to tell anyone what they should think or how they should feel about something according to social norms that I don’t know the source of, or purpose behind. I’m pretty sure most of those norms, authority, and privilege are completely arbitrary and only exist as a kind of psychic drug that huge amounts of people are hopelessly addicted to. We have so many drug rehabilitation clinics to treat crack or meth use, but none to treat the really destructive addiction of feeling superior to other people and/or forcing others to accept those arbitrary positions of privilege, and encouraging them to desire it for themselves. It’s like peer pressure to mainline IV stupidity, and it’s totally legal. It’ll warp your perception more than LSD, man, and the fuzz will even give you some if you ask for it. Crazy, right?


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sgiksw 3/27/2020 - 4:10 am

I wouldn’t wanna take that boring drug. Addicted to following the same old oath and not accepting others for their differences. Its like they cant quit doing the same looping. But how much more exciting to move forward, exploring new realms etc. not crazy, totally makes sense.

Cause of Death: Suicide 3/27/2020 - 4:57 am

It sounds like in the post you seem like it is you are trying to live life for other people, you have no influence at all in the direction of these peoples lives. Why do you bother yourself so much with these ‘other people’ you speak of?

rivets 3/27/2020 - 3:42 pm

It’s a sad fact, but if you have to pay rent every month, then you have to work someplace. It’s also a sad fact that all someplaces have the same issues that encourage people to act how I described. I guess for most people I’d be the crazy one for turning down minor promotions and advancements every chance I get. I never get offered big steps up, and that’s by design. I don’t have any interest in standing around hobnobbing with the office people or the managers. I’m a good employee, but the managers always, without fail, get annoyed at me for refusing to play their weird social games.

a1957 3/27/2020 - 7:27 pm

As for a promotion I decided I could not afford one. Afford? They pay more. They do. But my heart was not into telling other people what to do while telling the people over me what those people below me can or cannot actually accomplish until x,y, and z are provided. I imagined that eventually my unproven ability to lead those above me (the real job description of a boss) would result in my demotion and there I would be with a compromised skill set that was rusting away while I was not really doing the work.

The industrial corporate world has expectations of hourly workers that I find bizarre and down right dangerous to one’s health, like graveyard shift often times. Yes I know the reason for it existing but compensation should be based on the serious health hazards of it and that is never the case. It is just assumed, quite correctly, that the worker either doesn’t know or doesn’t care. Well I know and I care.

The corporate world has expectations of hourly workers that I find bizarre and ever mentally painful like putting a bunch of workers in the same space who are going to be grinding away on each other’s nerves.

One particular company had a rule that defies good reason. The rule was be on time or begone. Does this mean hurtling down the road on black ice to be on time, following a series of other delays on the way to work? Yes , if you plan on keeping the job. They offered very high wages and a benefits package that was the dream of many a family supporting individual or about anyone who wanted a host of cool toys, etc etc.

I eventually turned that whole mess away, almost refused life itself, and found a way forward that did not include any such madness. I was willing to do death if I could not earn a living doing something decent in a decent setting. I am alive, earning a living, doing something decent, in a decent setting. What a ride it has been.

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