Impulse

I need to learn to control my impulse. I used to just shove it down and run away. I’m sure it was out of fear more than anything. It’s been about two days. I check just to see and that’s all. I spend my time thinking and analyzing and worrying and calculating. But that get’s thrown out the window when I have an impulse. I have very little selfcontrol. I find myself at a standstill. I ran and that didn’t work and I gave into my impulse and that didn’t work. A tiny part of me wonders if things would have turned out differently if I kept running. Would it all be a hazy dream by now. A small part of me resents when I was put back to square one. And a large part of me hates that resentment. I’m waiting now. To see where the chips fall. Hopefully my impulses stay in check long enough to see.