im with someone that is negative, hypocritical, and seems to only see my body.my situation is fucked up and its all my fault. im married i really should drop my friend, its all my fault. ive fucked everything up. at this point i just want to watch my head explode.
(might have been a bad time to get drunk and high. on top of this my grandfather will be here in a few hours. the one person that knows nothing about my mental state, the drinking, the drugs, cutting……and here i am in an extremely bad mental state, drunk, stoned and probably about to cut) professional fuck up. im so much better off dead. no one needs me im just a pain in the ass.
3 comments
go take shower, prepare a short believable story that explain why you are tired a bit and cannot have long conversations.
side note; cutting does not (necessarily) mean that you also would finish yourself, or have urge to do it. it is solvable.
Nothing against your comment but it is clear you haven’t see my other posts. Where I not only cut but I hit my head off walls, rip my hair out and jump out of moving vehicles.
My disorders have me living in a place that is far from reality. I see things that aren’t there.
My parents have abused me mentally, physically and sexual. My friends/bfs ignored me and when I wasnt being ignored they were using me sexually. Because why not it’s not like my parents were giving me attention.
Trust me it’s more then cutting and I want to die.
For other reasons I also lost my trust in people. I planned to finish myself soon, but not yet decided about the exact time. I read poems when the “unbearable feeling of discomfort in my own skin” hits, I suggest it. It helps in a way that it prevents me from doing things that I do not want. I suggest Hermann Hesse, though choice of poets/poems is a matter of taste.
I did not want in any sense to undermine the pain that you go through. It was only a quick fix. Thank you for your comment.
If I want to suggest you to read one thing before finishing yourself, that is “Richard Brautigan (1967) Trout Fishing in America”. Is a short one.
If you planned to live a bit longer, then for sure this: “Infinite Jest – 1996 David Foster Wallace”. Is a big one.
Ironically, both writers finished themselves.
Happy reads Happy death