Last few weeks I’ve allowed myself to cross borders I’ve never crossed before. I’ve really pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I opened myself up a bit to some new people, one of which a quite interesting girl. I left myself in a vulnerable position, and d**n if I didn’t pay the price for it… Everything I seem to do now just worsens the situation and I’m pushed further back into isolation and I feel more lonely and misunderstood than ever before. Being so close to some actual real human contact and having it taken away so close to the finish line. Such a tragedy. I messed up real bad. Suddenly the thought strikes me again after a few months of silence, “maybe I should do the world a favor and just kill myself”?