I called her a total of five times yesterday. I texted her a total of two times yesterday. I screwed up again. I was just really frustrated with the whole situation. It’s been almost two months since she ghosted me, and I was getting tired of it. I was tired of being ignored. I know things are probably pretty bad for her right now what with the quarantine and all. She probably hasn’t been able to get the medical help she needs for her mental health. That makes her withdrawn. But I was still tired of it. Tired of not knowing anything. Tired of only being met with silence. Tired of going back and forth thinking that I just need to give her space and time and she’ll talk to me again and then thinking that she wants nothing to do with me because I said or did something wrong. I just wish I had something. Some sort of answer, even if it’s a bad one. Even if she doesn’t want me in her life because of something I did, at least I know why. I don’t know anything. I’m sure what I did yesterday just pushed her further away. She probably thinks I’m a freak and harassing her. I don’t know. Not like it really matters anymore. I wish my next therapy session wasn’t two weeks away. I’d really like to talk to someone now. Whatever.