Suppose for whatever reason you decide that you’re not ready to end it yet. But you’re still filled with an overwhelming sense of the futility of living. You’re still in pain, and that seems likely to only get worse. You’re still completely alone, and unable to see any possibility of meaningful connection. It still feels clear that you would be better off not existing.
Are there better ways to manage that feeling? So that it consumes you and tortures you as little as possible? I’ve been trying/failing for the best part of 12 years now.
Some random responses that come to my mind:
- Mindfulness/meditation – to try to detach you from identifying with the hopelessness inside
- Running/exercising in nature – to try to jolt your mind out of itself or exhaust it
- Sleeping all day – ’til your mind gets bored of it’s misery and forces you to get up
- Binge eating nice food – to give a feeling of physical comfort
- Recreational drugs – to trick your body into producing chemicals that tell you everything is fine
- Video games – absorbing yourself in a virtual world where you have purpose and there are no issues you can’t shoot your way out of
- Listening to loud music – the angstier/sadder/more despairing the better – cringy emoting is required
- Obsessively checking the news/social media sites – if you’re focused on how fucked the world is, you might forget for a moment how personally fucked you are
- Learning to play music you enjoy – reminding yourself of happier times while focusing on something that feels meaningful in a small way
- Compulsively escaping into fantasy – trying to trick your mind into believing that what it longs for is actually possible
- Repetitively posting on this site (or elsewhere)
- Occupying yourself in a dead end job – it you can convince yourself your job is making you miserable, you might forget it’s your mind that’s making you miserable – you can pretend it would all be better if you quit
I’d be interested in anyone else’s experiences. Have any of you found better ways to manage despair?