Nothing brings me happiness. Only my ex did, when I was with him in real life.
Going to sleep nowadays scares me because I keep having nightmares about my dad (again), even though it’s been nearly 2 years since I left him.
I’m super unproductive now. I don’t really do anything except eat, drink, shower, sleep, and fumble with my phone and laptop, mostly doing random google searches and playing a certain video game.
I feel like I’m whinging. I probably am whinging. The coronavirus stuff isn’t helping either.
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I used to be in the same state … It was numb …even I felt like I can’t enjoy eating , like even my taste buds were numb and I couldn’t taste anything. ..nothing absolutely nothing could make me excited and happy ( I knew if something makes me feel happy enough I will be able to do things I want but as I was so …numb I couldn’t do anything and though I was bored I couldn’t start doing anything or continue doing anything which can be called productive)
Im now good … Many things helped me which I don’t know if they will help you too but …Ill tell them to you
Hopefully you find them useful too.
I started small habits
I started learning a new language by using an app calling ” duolingo” it really really helped as it was not so hard and it gave me a sense of …. Being useful, doing something useful and good and you may think learning language is so hard but …that app is amazing and it was not hard learning a language with it
The important thing is you keep the habit …you can try any other habit but for me this one worked
Also I started solving puzzles like simple suduko and now when I dissove harder ones it makes me feel good
Start with small small steps and just keep going no matter if you feel your steps are too small
You’ll see you will be able to improve your ability and it will feel good
Oh also another thing may help is exercise
You can try yoga using these phone apps
It helps too
Im sorry if I wrote too much
I hope these help you and you be great 🙂
Sorry to hear all that, care to share more about what is happening with you now?
I can understand. Flashbacks of what my mother did were horrible. Nightmares came from crazy amounts of feeling unsafe because of her. My happiness when I had it, came from all immersive activities, namely the care and flying of aircraft. My happiness, when I had it, also came from women sometimes.
Of course women got tired of being my happiness pretty quick. As for the flying and fixing of airplanes, after 24 years I got tired of airplane owner’s needs monopolizing my time so extensively that flying and fixing ruled my time.
I can see why you feel as you do.
You are probably having nightmares about your ‘Dad’ because he is trying subliminally torture you or something, I have no idea. Or perhaps your ex Is trying to hold this all against you. I’m sorry but know it is probably because of some f*cking disgusting creep that you are having these nightmares. Either way it sounds to me like you are being mentally stalked.