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Terminal Depression – I need that hospice

by ivygradhc

I don’t want to make a scene among family, colleagues or friends.    I want to find a place I can go to relax and let nature take its course.   This depression I have had for close to 50 years is now a terminal disease for me.     I long now for a hospice where I could just fall asleep.     I imagine that sleep will be like a sleep I had a couple of years ago when I had surgery.   I remember having the mask on my face and the Dr. telling me to take deep breaths and then nothing.  Nothing until I woke up after the surgery was complete.    I can deal with that nothing.   I am just concerned with that means to get there.   Again, I do not want a scene with this, and my own fears of pain, firearms, and uncertainty, as well as some bad luck has always  prevented me from achieving that desired end from those means.     I am keeping this from from all that I mentioned,  including my wife and daughter so I do not let this turn into a means for attention.   I grew up with that from a parent and dealt with it with an ex and I never want anyone to have to deal with that.   If I am going to do it then I am going to do it.    It is now a matter of that means.


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