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Wearing Down

by J Doe

I did my weekly call today. Still no response. I left a voice message. Didn’t really know what to say except that I just wanted to check on her and that I wish we could talk. It’s starting to wear me down. At this point I’m just expecting to be disappointed. Whenever I get the urge to call I just tell myself “Just wait a little longer. You can be disappointed tomorrow.” I know that she won’t respond to texts. I know that if it rings more than once she won’t pick up. I’m just waiting every week to be disappointed. It’s really killing me inside. I think someone once told me that I’ll keep going regardless of how much it hurts me. I don’t know if I’ll keep going forever, but I don’t know that I won’t keep going forever. Maybe she’s just waiting for me to give up. How long will I keep trying to reach out only to hear silence. 2 Months? 6 Months? A Year? 5 Years? How long? Will it go from checking up on her every week to every two weeks to every month to every other month? Will it just phase out. I know that the only way to stop hurting myself is to just stop entirely. To just let her go. But I can’t. She made me too happy to go back to not having her in my life. I don’t want to get rid of all our messages and all the happy memories. This whole situation kills me. I just want to hear her voice again.

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24 comments

_loser_ 4/25/2020 - 2:27 pm

Ugh. Your story is so typical. Look up MGTOW. It’ll show you the truth behind female nature. I know you think you’re missing out on something here bud, but the truth is you just dodged a bullet. Most women will only fuck you over.

J Doe 4/25/2020 - 2:39 pm

Sorry man, but I don’t buy this sort of thing. She may not care about me the way I care about her, but this whole all females are harpies that are evil is total bullshit. People can’t be just pinned down in a few simple statements.

Nobear 4/26/2020 - 9:54 am

_loser_ is right most women just want to use men, btw _loser_ thanks for turning me onto MGTOW. It’s helped me figure out what do i really want out of life. Like most guys i was hung up on trying to find the one and just kept getting burned, it was just a waste of time and heartbreak.

_loser_ 4/26/2020 - 11:29 am

Sure! Look up Sandman on YouTube, he has plenty of informative videos.

Nobear 4/26/2020 - 12:09 pm

It’s not about hating women or anything, it’s really more about improving yourself as a man and really becoming who want without being defined through a relationship

_loser_ 4/26/2020 - 3:01 pm

Yep. Then again I’ve always thought like that, I didn’t need MGTOW to tell me that. I don’t know why so many people do. They say historically 60% of men ‘failed’ to reproduce, so I don’t know if it really is the default way of thinking for most, or if the air is just so saturated with the notion of monogamy because of how obnoxious people are about being in relationships that it has come to monopolize our consciousness. I really can’t imagine needing a relationship to validate my existence as some sort of lifestyle choice. Some people treat you like you don’t exist until you have a relationship. It’s like they don’t know there are hobbies outside of boinking and codependency. I hate people like that.

thedevilisclose 4/25/2020 - 3:13 pm

Yeah cuz all guys are angels I suppose?

boxcar 4/26/2020 - 4:02 am

why won’t she talk to you?

Nobear 4/26/2020 - 3:16 pm

For me it was just watching other people who seemed really happy being married with kids and shit that’s why i wanted that, but the world is different for us it’s not that easy as i learned the hard way. What does piss me off is what you mentioned, society as a whole ingrains in us that there is no other path in life then to find love and everything else is wrong. And this is just my opinion i think men and women do interpret love very differently.

_loser_ 4/26/2020 - 3:52 pm

To quote OSHO: “Be loving, and remember anything real is always changing. You have been given wrong notions that a true love remains forever. A true rose flower does not remain forever. A living being himself has to die one day. Existence is a constant change. But the notion, the idea that love should be permanent if it is true… And if love disappears one day, then the natural corollary is that it was not true. I want you to know, love came suddenly, it was not because of any effort on your part. It came as a gift of nature… At that time you should not have accepted it, if you were worried of its going one day suddenly. The way it comes, it goes. But there is no need to be worried because if one flower has faded, other flowers will be coming. Flowers are going to come forever. But don’t cling to one flower. Otherwise soon you will be clinging to a dead flower.”

So my views on love are quite different from what is supposedly mainstream society. I don’t even believe in marriage.

thedevilisclose 4/26/2020 - 4:44 pm

You have an awful lot to say against women. What about all the a**hole males out there? Nice to think you are the only one that has a hard time with the opposite sex. Did you ever think that maybe you are looking for the wrong type of girl? There are nice ones out there

J Doe 4/26/2020 - 5:43 pm

I’m going to be honest and say there’s no point in trying to convince them otherwise. Just let them be. So long as they aren’t fucking with people they’re harmless.

thedevilisclose 4/26/2020 - 5:47 pm

I’m definitely not going to disagree with you but I will say that admin should really delete these comments. For these people to talk like that here is completely heartless. A lot have women here have been hurt by men.

_loser_ 4/26/2020 - 5:58 pm

Yeah sorry but that has nothing to do with MGTOW anyway. You aren’t being hurt by men refusing to date women, nor are men being hurt by women refusing to date men. That’s all MGTOW is. MGTOW don’t operate to spite women. They operate to take care of themselves. MGTOW really isn’t about women at all. And that’s what they hate.

thedevilisclose 4/26/2020 - 6:02 pm

Then dont act like it!

Nobear 4/27/2020 - 10:15 am

I just read there wiki page about it and that’s all i needed to figure out what it is i really need just improving and liking myself. I no longer feel like a slave to my emotions.

_loser_ 4/27/2020 - 10:27 am

I mean, if you wanna chat on Discord or something… I’m not officially MGTOW or anything, I can just offer resources to do exactly that.

Nobear 4/27/2020 - 10:36 am

No im not trying to join them either, just really like the philosophy. It feels like when a woman is burned, cheated and lied to then finally decides to be on her own she’s considered strong and independent which is great, but when a man gets burned, cheated and lied and decides he’s done he’s a sexist misogynist

_loser_ 4/27/2020 - 10:45 am

Well do you have a Discord? I’d rather continue the conversation there

Nobear 4/27/2020 - 10:49 am

Yea it’s Mentalhead66

_loser_ 4/27/2020 - 11:05 am

Had to change my password and everything, hold on

_loser_ 4/27/2020 - 11:09 am

I’ll just send you an invite link to a server I just created so you don’t gave to share your 4 digit code:

https://discord.gg/bdVM36

_loser_ 4/27/2020 - 11:10 am

Go to moderated comments, the link I provided for the server I made is waiting there

Nobear 4/27/2020 - 11:16 am

Link doesn’t work

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